Loving After Abuse

      Volumes have been written about abuse in the last twenty years.  There are so many forms of abuse that it is hard to even know where to begin.  It seems like the more we talk about abuse, the more there is.  Or are we simply becoming more aware of the existence of abuse and all of the various forms that it takes?

      This book will not quote statistics, nor expound on the failures of our churches, governments, or social service agencies in addressing these problems.  I will not analyze or explain systems of treatment or prevention strategies.  I will not focus on the "evils" of this world where poverty, crime, depravity, and other forms of insanity exist.

      I believe that God has given us clear messages of hope, peace, love, and empowerment.  These messages are gifts that allow us to live joyous lives.  The only problem is our failure to listen, to understand, and to accept God's love.  As the human race has grown, we have repeatedly attacked one another and hurt one another - often in the name of God, our country, our tribe, our race, and even the shape of our noses.  We humans seem to have an endless array of reasons to judge, blame, shame, and demean one another.

      There are many levels of abuse - from the genocide of Hitler, to apartheid, to slavery, to stealing land from indigenous peoples...all the way down to spanking our children and punishing them harshly.  There is no gain in abuse!

      Let me say it again, directly and clearly:

                        There is no gain in abuse!

      Call abuse by any name you choose, it is always destructive.  It destroys lives on the physical level (i.e. bodily injury, starvation, poverty, and death).  Even more importantly, it destroys lives on the inner planes - the emotional, mental, and spiritual levels.

      Although the external damage is obviously painful, the internal damage is even more devastating.  A broken arm may heal in time, but a broken spirit, a broken heart, a broken psyche is where the true healing is needed.  Regardless of the level of assault to my physical body, the attack on my spirit is always the most significant area of hurt.

      All forms of abuse attack the spirit of humanity.  There are no isolated incidents.  Abuse hurts us all.  Tolerance of abuse hurts us all.  If I observe and tolerate abuse in a situation that does not currently affect me, who is to say that I will not be next?  Is abuse more damaging in an impoverished home than in an affluent home?  Is the abuse of discrimination in South Africa any different from job discrimination in the halls of corporate America?

      All abuse invloves the same elements:

            -   Judgment           -   Demeaning

            -   Comparison       -   Domination

            -   Control              -   Attack

            -   Fear                  -   Inequality

            -   Scarcity             -  Anger

            -   Unworthiness     -  Competition

            -   Victimization      -  Inferiority

            -   Survival of the fittest

            -   Disempowerment

        In the final analysis, it is a lack of love.