Just a Girl
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I'm Just a Girl, as the woderful Miss Gwen Stefani once sang. Yep, that's me! All pretty and petit, taking that pink ribbon from my eyes and seeing the world as it is. People say that life is already mapped out for us before we even get down here and others say that life is what you make it. I'm still unsure of the whole thing? I do believe in fate and strongly believe in the saying my mother constantly drilled in to me and that was what's meant to be will be. Everything apparently happens for a reason. I'm still in the throws of what reason or purpose I have in this life. At the tender age of twenty three I'd say I've lived through more shit than any other normal female my age but "Lily" they say, "What is normal?". "Anything other than me!" I scream inside. Yet outside I smile sweetly and pretend all is well, I have the art for that now. If there was a degree in hiding behind a smile I'd have passed it with flying colours and lecturing it at the highest universities around the world. Unfortunately, such a thing doesn't exist so I'm one on my own.I stood on the steps inside the late night bar with Amber, a vodka blue in one hand and my bag in the other, dancing away to the eighties music that played throughout the place. Flashing disco lights, rowdy crowds and a colossal amount of alcohol being consumed, just a typical Friday night out and the start to another weekend. Through the smokey room I glanced towards the entrance glass doors, my eyes locked outside to a tall, dark haired man. Dressed in a long sleeved white t-shirt and slouch jeans, peering through the glass doors and into the over filled dark room. Dylan, except it was Dylan as I'd never seen him before. My butterflies stopped and it felt as though the whole of my body dropped down and stopped functioning to make way for my pounding heart that sank and melted to my knees. He was beautiful, in every single way but most of all he was new, physically, mentally and emotionally, that night was the answer to all my doubts on fate and all my theories about fairytales and true love. That night was the opening to my box of buried treasure, the night I fell crazy in love with my stranger. Suddenly I found myself exchanging my fantasy of being a famous rock star with Blink 182 and Linkin Park, married to Kelly Jones and having an affair with Frank Lampard for a normal, everyday life with Dylan. Strangely enough for me I realised a new dream, a lay out that consisted of reality and things that were achievable and I knew I could do. Ambitions I had placed at the back of my head due to disbelief and goals I once again could set and one day achieve and be proud of. In fact, the more and more I thought about it everyday whilst out there working, the more and more I believed it could happen. There was something so better out there, I was meant for more than just plodding along disguising myself in pretend happiness. I was stuck in comfort zone, complacent and I suppose bored, nothing really to look forward to and nothing anymore to work towards, I thought things were fine but it's amazing just how much an emotional tornado can smash things to pieces and make you see sense and my twister did just that. Tears fall and hearts break, time seems to be a healer for such things. Hopes get crushed and minds daze but dreams reappear. Actions get forgiven although the pain is never forgotten but life moves on, whether you take it with you or not. I took it with me for the rest of that journey, it was kept deep down inside but never shown again, I had a small part of me left that believed in one thing.. Dreams and my dreams from that moment were the only thing that kept me alive!. Life's cruel and love is crueller but we have to survive for better things and I had the last bit of my journey to go.. Despite how much despair I was feeling right then and there on that night I was determined to get to that finish line.. For me! Another lesson learnt, but more importantly, it was a dream ahead of me I had to fulfil......
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About the Book
Just a Girl, Lily Wilson was an average twenty three year old living the high life with shopping sprees, credit cards, partying and plenty of bad choices.. working, single and a full time dreamer but no one could have imagined the whirl wind that was about to crash in to her world and turn it upside down, the stranger that was about to burst her bubble of fantasy and drop her with a great big bang in to reality and the emotions that she was going to be faced with when she had nothing else left at all.
Lily's life changed the minute she fell asleep one drizzly Wednesday afternoon at her mothers house in early April and after just one dream about the perfect stranger her journey began and she was never given the chance to look back. The road carried on for her and the heartache just kept on coming, she was the only one that could stop it, the only one that could pick herself up and fight it all the way but never forgetting one thing... her dreams and the will to never stop believing in them.
Lily began a mission, with only hope left on her side, to find herself again. Her dreams, her ambitions and the girl that was really inside. To help her grow and make her strong and finally heal all that pain she'd swept under mat previous years since.
This is a story about a girl who finds strength in unforgettable circumstances and the will to carry on and never give in, never stop fighting and certainly never stop believeing that everything happens for a reason and that her destiny is out there to find..
About the Author
Jazzie Williams, Just a Girl.. born Janine Williams, August 5th 1982 in the village of Cottingham, approximately seven miles out of the city centre of Hull. Brought up by my mum, Glynis and spending my whole life in a girl power environment along with my big sis Leanne.
Growing up was pretty tough for me and hit rock bottom when I got to high school. I found I stood out as an individual and never quite fitted in anywhere.. At the age of twelve I found myself jotting words and rhymes down on scraps of paper to express my difficult experiences and feelings inside.
In late August 1996 I got my first poem excepted for publication and in 1997, at the age of fourteen my poem Restless Night was published by Poetry Now.
Tens years on, I have a string of poetry publications behind me and hopefully a book of my own work to be finished very soon.
Hiding away in my imagination I found that writing always came naturally to me and at the age of sixteen I began to write short stories in between performing at college and festivals as a dancer. That was always my main passion but at the age of twenty three I was diagnosed with a condition called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and unfortunately for me my dancing days were over and a whole new experience for me began...
Just a Girl is one of the most important things in my life and I treasure the memories and experiences throughout it that brought me to this point right now. I am currently working on some new material for future publication and hope to have a follow up to Just a Girl in the very near future...
This Girl will be back!