Wondershrub and Club

"My fellow America, I am honored to be with you on this lovely literary day to begin my reign as your forthcoming president. Let me first tell you some of my heroes I will imitate in my administration. One of them you know by name because he held this same office, former President Trick E. Dioxin, so prematurely taken from our mist. I stand here today at this sacred tomb honoring his silver tongue, where I have placed a laural wreath in memory of his upscale political language. I will follow in that high literary road to achieve the goals his tongue left unsaid because of its prenatal departure from the oral orifice. A tree don't fall far from its acorns.  I will be, like him, the "I am not a crook" president.

Let me sharify the four main goals of my administration. First, I intend to improve education all the way from our faith-based universities down to the dungeons of the Darth Vader Institute of Ventriloquism where my Vice President, Lip Surley, serves as the founding dean. If you can't literate, you can't maturate.  Silver and gold may pass away but education, like good oil, will never dismay. My administration will distribute bumper stickers saying that no school child will be left behind unsuckled.  Rarely do we ask ourselves the crucial question, "Why is our children not learning?" Reform must begin with our elementary and high schools and then expand to our grade schools and even to our secondary schools as well. If you teach a child to read, he or her will be able to pass a literary test. If you can't read, it's going to be hard to go to college. I understand that; I experienced it. But I overcame my obstacles and, in fact, just this summer finished reading three illustrated Shakespeares. This nation needs an education system that is next to none, especially regarding the Biblical knowledge of good and evil, the root of the entire Knowledge Tree.  Books is important for education, especially books having fantastic action pictures.

To that end, I will be proposing to Congress to turn the Library of Congress into a comic book research center featuring first editions of such classics as Superman and Batman as guides for setting our foreign policy. To start the comics rolling in, I am today making a donation to this library from my own collection of the great comic classic Wonderboy, my personal favorite."