Crispy Fried And Southern Brown
Southern Humor
by
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Page 1 Me, Thelma Lou Abernathy and Rose Jean MaCrack were the only ones in our town to have a college education. All the rest were self-taught and man I really admired them for their guts. They all thought we were aliens and didn’t mind telling us about it. Bubba Joe once told Rafe McCutson an Irish import, said that we were just outcast coming to the town functions and such. Thelma Lou came back to town with her newly acquired education using big words all over town. Them big college words scared the living daylights out of most common everyday people. She was talking to Bubba Joe one day and used the word facetious. Nearly Killed Bubba Joe, he ran all over town trying to get some insights on the word facetious. He told Rafe, “that he knew what a face was, but in spite of all he could do, he just could not figger out what a tious was. Said he even looked in the Webster dictionary and nothing there”. Rafe McCutson, now here is a rare breed, probably the smartest man in town, but he thinks so himself. He told Rose Jean Killary on a date one night if it weren’t for those damned college people he would be the smartest man in town. He said he had studied hard to become as educated as he is and those college people ruined it for him. He even accused us of being sort of like having Yankees in town. Page 2
Now everybody the world over knows that our farmers feed the world. It is a great responsibility, but somebody’s got to do it. Cause I read once and heard Rafe say in one of his speeches that countries like France, Germany, Italy, Austria and a few others do not have enough arable land to raise their food. Mighty big places not to be able to raise their own food, but I guess it would be sort of hard to raise corn and soybeans on a mountainside or in a desert. No matter, but what the heck is an arable land pray tell? I also heard that these countries are forgetting who is raising their grub, and are coming over here where it is provided and raising all kinds of hell. I read something one fella wrote that said they could go home if they don’t like us. Why did they come over here in the first place if they didn’t like us. Planning on taking over maybe, maybe I’m wrong. Fella is what the socially correct are calling Southerners now maybe even Yankees too, I think. Our farmers use to work their fingers to the bone as the old saying goes. Their crops were a gamble every year if I may use the term. Bubba Joe was an ole time farmer, he never had a whole lot of money left over after paying the bank back what they loaned him in the spring. Bubba Joe would get up in the morning, put on his knee boots and go to the barn. After feeding the hogs and cows he would come back to the house to change shoes, cause he couldn‘t afford but one pair of them expensive knee boots a year. He would stop outside and rinse his boots off before going into the utility room to change. That room smelled just like pig poop and his wife Helen Sue would yell at him about stinking up the house. I washed my boots outside was his argument. Yes you did but you did not wash Bubba, you are going to smell like pig manure all day. I declare Bubba Joe you smell like a barnyard all the time, I sure wish I had known this before we married. Bubba Joe was about to come to the conclusion that Helen Sue didn’t love him any more until their first child came along after being married for seven years. “Bubba Joe you are wonderful, she said, and now I am going to have a little Bubba Joe.” Bubba asked her what she was going to name the baby and she said, “Bubba Joe Junior, if it’s a boy and Bubba Jean if it’s a girl.” “You can’t name her Bubba, Helen.” “I ain’t goin to name her Bubba Helen, I said Bubba Jean.” “But you can’t” he said. “If you think I can’t just watch me Buster.” “My name is Bubba.”
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About the Book
The greatest stress reducer known to man is humor. Among the many types of humor my favorite is Southern humor. Using the semblance bestowed upon us by the North and along with fact that we have united as a Nation we can laugh together at this humor.
Hopefully there will be enough humor within the pages of Crispy Fried And Southern Brown to go around. This book was prepared with hope that the fun within will help us to grow closer as a Nation and perhaps instigate unity in the solving of our problems.
You will find good clean fun in this book acceptable to all ages fourteen and above. Here is hoping you will find a little enjoyment and an hour or two of freedom from the fast pace of today's world.
About the Author
The Author is a sixty-four year old male who advocates Christian living and the preparation of our children to follow in our footsteps.
Traveling half way around the world, visiting several foreign countries and more than half the states in our own great country, he has always come back to the South.
Practicing his desire to write this book with an early day and present day mixture, without being offensive he has labeled this book as Southern humor.
Born and educated in the great Volunteer state he completed his education at the University of Tennessee. He now offers his second book Crispy Fried And Southern Brown.