Search for Life through the Past
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Only three days left now! Sentenced and on deaths row, his nerves screamed, and his stomach was a knot of pain. He paced his cell, thinking, “Damn her soul!” He yelled it to the wall! He was beginning to fall apart, they couldn’t let him die now. He was prepared as far as he could go with his schooling. He was ready, but he was backed up against the wall and ready to go down. His mind was tortured to the breaking point. He could hear his uncle and his lawyer saying, “We’ll fight it to the finish, Tanya!” My God, he thought, am I finished? Won’t I see my babies again, hold them close in my arms and love them? He had made his grandmother promise not to bring them here anymore. She had brought them every month.
Renee was so beautiful, chubby cherub type. Curly afro hair, dark skin, and brown eyes just like her dad’s. She was now two years old. Tanya yearned to hold her and love her. To hear her call him, “My Tanny!” With lots of emphasis on the “my.” He was her Tanny. He could almost feel the little fat hands patting him on the face as she held on to him so tight, her soft curly head against his. He began to kick at the walls now.
He thought of Rick. At three years old, getting tall, Rick was beginning to lose some of his baby fat. With blue eyes and wavy light brown hair and fair skin, he was a serious looking little fellow. He was a carbon copy of his dad at that age. He had his dad’s crooked little grin as also did Renee, that broke into a wide one with the infectious laugh. They were his life. Rick’s long fingers made Tanya yearn to begin his music lessons.
Only two day, eight hours, twelve minutes left. He fell on his knees and began moaning. No tears, no crying, but like a dying man, full of pain. He rocked back and forth, finally falling on his face unconscious. He wanted to call on God but he couldn’t. There was hate in his heart, and it had been scarred shut, sealed up, locked with a padlock of hurt. The key of love to open it thrown away at the place of “not my will, but thine be done,” in his life. He remembered as he regained consciousness, his coming to that place before as he had felt the nails of his wife tear his flesh. Her knees pounding into him ppainfully and her teeth biting into him. He had seen the blood running onto the sheet from her clawing and saw in his memory his own mother, bleeding and dying. He had felt the pain swallow him up as she tortured his mind and his body. He had been loving Jean, touching, holding her close. Forgetting the hurts of yesterdays gone, and loving her again with a deep and heart-felt love. He had believed she had come to him with love, ready to care, to be one flesh. Ready to forget the shame she felt of his color.
Then at the peak of his love for her, she had let hell’s fury loose on him. His heart seemed to split open and pull loose from his body’s hold on it. And as the flames of love and desire changed into a fire of hell as the pain physically and mentally ripped through him, he had fought then and he fought now. He rose, yelling, “Damn you, Warden, I want to see you now!” He was yelling, cursing, shouting! He grabbed the bars and cursed louder demanding to see the warden. Hate was strengthening him.
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About the Book
"Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me...," how untrue this phrase. The words, “I will not be called a nigger…” echoes through the mind, the soul and the body of Tanya Jo AuFranc,wounding his spirit and in turn birthing tremendous pain. His pain bred hatred and bitterness, nourishing feelings of fear, rejection and hurt.
Tanya's agony began in his youth and escalated in adulthood. His self-will and pride, education and riches, could not erase those haunting words. Tanya encounters many trials...a preaching ministry, marriage with a tragic end, murder, prison, and rejection of God...but not freedom from those words.
Fame gained through education, a career in law and riches, as well as drinking and sex failed to erase or even shut out for long the echoes of the past. He became crippled in soul, mind, and spirit and eventually also in body. Finally the net of destruction breaks when he surrenders to perfect love, the kind that covers all sin.
About the Author
Leonia's "Dance with life" really began at age three, when she started writing. She was raised by her paternal grandparents who encouraged her to learn, and exposed her to the world of books. Decades later, writing is her passion.
She has a broad range of life lessons from bedtime stories for her grandchildren in stories like "Heidi and Peek fromma Hole Church Mice," to the controversial life of pain and agony created in, "Search For Life Through The Past." Her writing shows that of an author who has come full circle as shared about in "Dancing With Life."
The mother of five will soon celebrate fifty-two years of marriage. She continues her love of writing in St. Joseph, MO where she resides with her husband, Charles.
With God’s help and grace there will be more available from this author.