Introduction: The Rewards of Respect

            Have you ever wondered when you are sitting in an audience listening to an excellent speaker, how they actually arrived at where they are today?  What I always want to know is, what was their thinking process, what were the behaviors that allowed them to break free from the constraints of “I should, ought, or can’t” to “I believe, trust and will?” 

            I want to know their story, their very human story, so that I can relate and compare it to my own life experience and beliefs.  That’s how I learn.  Seeing the speaker, much like the bamboo, already at their full “height,” is not the same thing as knowing what they nurtured in themselves “under ground” for many years, that allowed them to grow to their full potential.

            It often seems like a mystery that is difficult to solve or understand when you are looking at your life from inside your own skin and wrestling with how to make a change—whether it’s letting go of the safety of being an employee in order to start your own company, ending a relationship, or setting a goal for yourself that feels like it would take a miracle to reach.

            Why do some people thrive on adversity, treating it as though it were a challenge, rising to the occasion, while others get stuck, give up, and remain passive in their lives?

These are the questions that I’ve always been intrigued by, that I’ve sought answers to. 

            I come from working class people who struggled to make ends meet.  My parents raised six children while working long, hard, hours and they did it with dignity.  Their example has certainly influenced my own efforts to define the meaning of success. My parents were not financially wealthy but they were wealthy in spirit.  As their child I always felt loved.  That to me is abundance and a more important gift than all the toys in the world.

            Over my lifetime I have learned that there is worldly success and personal success.  Sometimes the two are congruent and sometimes they are entirely different. Defining one’s own standards of success and living up to them is the true challenge.   Being respectful and forgiving of oneself for setbacks and mistakes is part of that challenge because such things will inevitably happen. They are part of the human experience, and in fact, we can’t grow without them.   Finding the “farmers,” the mentors, the messages, and wisdom that provide the mental fertilizer, water, and sunlight that will feed your imagination and soul is yet another task in becoming who and what you want to be.

            Become a reader, a listener, and an observer, if you want to be a leader in your life, and of your life. Recognize that other people offer you valuable learning opportunities by their example teaching you what you don’t want to do and be, and by modeling behaviors that you want to imitate and adopt.   But first you have to become aware and notice; become conscious in your life.  Then, the trick is to not to be

judgmental. Observe but don’t judge.  When you see someone being mean spirited, small-minded, racist, committing acts of violence, or being threatening, understand that we are all capable of acting this way.  Knowledge and choice are what separates us from people acting out and re-acting without thinking.  How do we find the strength and courage to make those hard, individual choices? By looking outside ourselves for inspiration and encouragement and by checking in with ourselves to identify what feels right and what feels true: the truth is that all the knowledge we need is inside us.  Mostly we don’t believe that because we doubt ourselves and so we don’t do what is in our own best interest—we fail to listen to, or respect ourselves.