Why We're Here
A Philosophical Comedy
by
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God (or Goddess or whatever) sat down with his angel staff one “day” (the “day” may have actually lasted a millennium or two, who in the hell knows) to discuss his idea of creating a new species called homo sapiens. “You’re really angels for helping me with this,” he said jokingly, “I mean, really, really angels.” The whole assembly rolled their eyeballs and halos in obvious discomfiture. “My god,” they thought, “he’s in his
pun-nishing mode again.” Sweet-spirited Ariel was so mortified, her nimbus almost fell off her head, and when she subsequently heard giggles all around and a few bird-like crows, her usually bright, prismatic aura took on an almost pinkish hue. To ease her embarrassment, she began nibbling her manna slice, and since His Oneness had been momentarily distracted by the Holy Ghost (whom no one had ever seen, of course), she decided to focus on a new vocabulary list that had been handed her by the archangel, Azrael, when the meeting began.
It wasn’t unusual at Godly gatherings to receive various epistles and modernized lexicons that were totally unconnected with the scheduled agenda. Since this new treasury of words concerned the silly planet earth, she’d immediately deemed it an addendum that had little or nothing to do with those unrevealed and highly mysterious human beings. She decided, however, that until God’s muffled huddle with his second self (or third self, or whatever) ended, she may as well absorb the data and keep abreast of the heavenly times.
Every few eons, various angel committees coined tens of thousands of new names and word forms to adequately describe whatever God had created at the time. The new lingo about the earth and its animals now permeated the heavenly dialogue and was quite the new vogue in heaven- ville. Ariel had been absent for an extended period, having been assigned for several millennia as a cherubic assistant to Odin, one of God’s many super regents in the outer regions of intergalactica, and she felt a bit out of the celestial loop. In fact, she could barely understand her colleagues’ conversations at times. The names ascribed to God’s earthborn animals seemed particularly convoluted--pterodactyl, dinosauria, anaconda, chimpanzee, barracuda--but, of course, they were only a small part of the earthly lexicon.
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About the Author
Though thoroughly indoctrinated into Christianity as a child, Marvin Kirschman began questioning religious faith while still a young teenager. Nonetheless, after high school, he briefly attended two bible academies and held summer revival meetings with his brother before finally abandoning religious training and entering a secular school. He received a Ph.D. in Communications with an Emphasis in Drama from the
Recently, he decided through imaginary storytelling to delve back into religious faith with humor and hopefully some whimsical insight. After completing this manuscript, he gave it to several friends and family members to read, who surprisingly studied the contents with an amused curiosity. Based on their unusual reactions, Marvin assumed that perhaps others-from moderate religionists to curious fanatics to avowed atheists and agnostics-would take some interest in an arch tale about a waggish God and his startling-albeit non-biblical-motive for creating humankind.