Ascent from Darkness

Excerpts from Chapter 6 -

Dawn of the Darkness

In addition to large dosages of prayer, I had made a commitment to get much more exercise than I had gotten regularly for some time. Strenuous physical activity would be helpful to my condition by causing the brain’s natural ability to produce endorphins to be maximized. This increased brain chemistry would hopefully help the neurotransmitters of my mind calm down at night allowing me to feel tired and possibly get some much needed sleep. When at home on my days off from work, I would ride my bike for many miles everyday and do repetitious exercises, like sit ups and push ups, in an attempt to tire my body and mind out. When away on a flying trip, I would spend several hours jogging and exercising before or after my flight duties were complete for the day. I also tried taking nutritional supplements and extracts designed to calm the mind such as valerian root, chamomile tea, to name a few, and even drinking a warm glass of milk prior to bedtime each night. Despite my continuously earnest prayers, a rigid exercise routine and a supplement regimen designed to dull my over active mind, I was still having great difficulty getting adequate rest. My body weight was down to levels I had not seen since my teenage years, and my pilot uniform became excessively baggy as many of my co-workers became increasingly concerned for my health. Not sleeping during the night causes one’s metabolism to work overtime, and I was beginning to grow terribly thin and looked quite frail.

Needless to say, my alertness in the cockpit was severely diminished as my condition continued to worsen. Still flying as a First Officer or second-in-command, I was able to disguise my degrading performance to some extent. Having recently been awarded a Captain position on a new aircraft we would be receiving, I was expected to attend initial training in Toronto, Canada at the beginning of August. My lack of mental attentiveness and an increasing inability to concentrate would make successful completion of this upcoming training nearly impossible. After a week or two of flying in this somewhat lethargic state, I knew that I would have to hang up my pilot hat for awhile to address my deteriorating condition. I vividly remember my last leg in the cockpit of an airliner as I made the southerly flight between Washington Dulles and Richmond’s Byrd Airports. It was my leg to fly and as I rolled the aircraft onto final approach to Runway 20, my emotions took over as the tears began to fall from my weary eyes. Upon landing in Richmond, I would advise the domicile flight manager of my inability to attend training in Canada and my need for a leave of absence for medical reasons. As the Fokker aircraft settled to the runway, the touchdown was perhaps one of the smoothest I have ever accomplished. Knowing that I would not get many more landing chances for some time, I found it quite fitting that I "greased it on." Little did I know at that time, this emotional touchdown would be the last actual landing of a large airliner of my career.