How The Old Man Sold It Faster...with Laughter!
Tangy tales for salesmen and others.
by
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ATTENTION “Gentlemen, let's get this meeting started. C'mon fellows. Hey, will everybody please sit down?” Mike, sales manager for one of the larger food brokerage sales organizations in New York, was calling his weekly sales meeting to order. “You fellows in the rear, please sit down.” Now it was almost quiet. “Gentlemen,” he continued, “We are taking on a new account. To tell us about his company, its products, promotion, and sales programs, it is my pleasure to introduce to you the sales manager of the Knomark Company, Mr. Jack Flamer.” The largest group of salesmen I had ever faced greeted this perfunctory introduction with polite applause. Instead of starting my presentation with the usual, “Gentlemen, it's my pleasure to be here.” I leaned against the podium, looked at the gathering before me, and began. "During the reign of Queen Elizabeth it was most important to be supreme on the high seas. The queen felt secure in the knowledge that she ruled the world's greatest fleet. One day a courier arrived at the palace informing her majesty that the king of Spain was sending his armada, consisting of hundreds of ships, to meet and defeat the Queen's navy. Spain would then rule the ocean. “This was indeed frightening news. Elizabeth immediately sent for her most capable sailor and personal hero, Captain Crimson. ‘Seek out the Spanish armada and defeat the king of Spain,’ she regally ordered. ‘Then return to the palace for your reward.’ The entire audience was now quiet. No one even whispered. “The captain, obeying his orders, hastened to his flagship, and with the entire fleet, set sail to seek the armada. For days, he sailed up and down the British coast without sighting a foreign vessel. During a quiet afternoon, one of his newer young officers approached and said, ‘Captain, may I ask a question of you?’ ‘Of course,’ replied the captain. ‘What is your question?’ “How, sir, did you get the name of Captain Crimson?’ the officer queried. “Oh, that!’ replied the captain. ‘You see, whenever I go into battle, I take along a crimson cape that hangs in my locker. During the fight, I wrap this cape around my body, appear on the quarterdeck, and rally the men. You see, if I were to be wounded, the blood, being the same color as my cape, would not be visible to either my men or to the enemy. This would keep my enemy from becoming overconfident. The crimson cape has become my symbol of bravery.’ “The next morning there came a cry from the crow's nest, ‘armada ahead!’ The captain rushed up on deck to look, when a fog bank suddenly enveloped his ships. Together with his officers he kept peering, trying to see through the fog, when suddenly the fog lifted. There he was, surrounded by hundreds of Spanish galleons. It looked like a parking lot of ships with his stuck in the middle. His young officer turned to him and excitedly asked, ‘Captain, shall I run to your cabin and get your crimson cape?’ “No,’ replied the Captain, ‘just run down and bring me my brown pants.” After the waves of laughter had subsided, I continued, “Now you know how nervous I am.” We then held a most pleasurable and profitable sales meeting. You must gain their attention before they will listen to your message * * *
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About the Book
The author recounts his experiences by relating short, easy-to-read stories revolving around challenging sales scenarios. Each story sets up the sales scene, followed by the humorous tale told to break an impasse or conflict with a customer. Real life experiences make this book a valuable source of wisdom for the salesperson who meets customers face-to-face on a regular basis.
About the Author
Jack Flamer was born in New York City in 1911. He grew up in Ansonia and New Haven, Connecticut. He was the fourth of the seven children. Jack worked a number of jobs. When World War Two began, he worked in the Brooklyn shipyards as a welder, repairing the Navy ships that had been in battle. After the war, Jack worked in the rubber heel and sole industry, followed by a very successful stint with the Knomark Manufacturing Company, makers of Esquire Shoe Polish. He later worked for the Williams Company (makers of Aqua Velva) and Abbot Laboratories, each as a senior sales executive. Jack retired in 1976, but continued to work as a consultant to the Food Trade and to Food Brokers until his mid-eighties. Today, he and his wife live in the Los Angeles area. They enjoy their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. And they all still enjoy Jack’s stories. Instead of selling it laughing, he keeps them laughing.