Look Up! He Was There All The Time
A Believer's Story
by
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Couldn't people see the fear and terror in my eyes? Couldn't they see the fear that I would lose touch with reality at any moment now? Couldn't they see me trying to hold onto my sanity with a thin thread? Why couldn't they sense the terror I felt when I would experience total numbness all over my body and the feeling that I would just dissappear into nothing?
The tingling sensations were frightening, as was almost everything else in my life at that time. The tingling usually started in my finger tips and toes and just penetrated up throughout my entire body and head. I had to literally get up to shake the feeling away and, of course, get a glass of water, something we all seem to do when we're feeling surreal.
I refused to lose my mind in public, so I tried to avoid being in puiblic places un-escorted for too long. There were times when I would feel disassociated from my body. I would be there in body but I would feel miles away from everone else in the room. It was as though I was on the outside looking in. I desparately wanted to know if anyone else had ever experienced what I was going through.
Feeling miles away from those around you is a very lonely feeling. There is nothing much worse than being in a crowd of people while feeling lonely, far away and disconnected. Didn't anyone notice my lonliness?
Couldn't anyone else see my tears even though they had not yet fallen from my eyes. Would anyone miss me if I were to simply die? Lord please have mercy on my soul. God, where are you? Do you still love me? Are you still mad at me? When can I come back? I won't be bad anymore, I pleaded.
After having escaped from college, and back at home with mom and dad, I soon learned that I had not escaped from Deborah. After being back in Cleveland, back home, I was still not myself. I had begun turning down social invitations, dates and job oppotunities. How long would my parents allow me to vegetate in their home? How long would anyone tolerate me?
I never wanted to be in a room all by myself. I needed someone to focus on, and I needed someone to watch over me. The nightmares had unfortunately returned, with a vengence. The feelings of powerlessness surfaced in spite of my faithful churh attendance. My attempts to wear a happy face only served to mask my tears and my fears.
Deborah who started off as a Honor Student, optimistic, lively and hopeful college freshman; now almost two years later, was in a state of clinical depression. I was tired, sad, withdrawn, and dreadful.
I was not the same Deborah Alice Clark, and I began to wish I was anyone else, ....anyone else but me. God, are you still there? Don't you like my anymore? I was slipping further and further into the abyss of darkness......
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About the Book
Look if you dare into the unscripted drama of a young women's journey from nightmares to triumph. How will she survive and juggle the seeminly lonely srtuggle with college peer pressure, a terrifying drug experience, compromising and dangerous decisions, and her own dreams of success? Get ready for an emotional roller coaster as she with the help of a wonderful God, learn lessons of forgiveness and faith in her battle for sanity, love and success. You will be reminded, as she learns, that in the midst of it all, God never leaves nor forsakes His children. Yes, she grew up in the church, and was a straight- A student with her whole life before her. Little did she know how devestating one bad decision at a party, would rock her world. As she falls into a psychological pit of despair and terror, would she give up on the world, or turn to the only hope that she knows? Can God really heal minds? Will God really protect her from herself? Does God really forgive, even if you 'knew better?' Does Deborah have what it takes to press toward her dreams? Does she even deserve it? It is a page turner book of grace, mercy and hope as it challenges young women and young adult readers to "Never give up on a dream, but rather look up to God!, for He is there all the time." (It is also a reminder to be sober, saved and focused on being used by God in a mighty way) It is the book we have been waiting for. It is a testimony that she was almost too afraid to tell. But, something just had to be said! So, grab a box a klennex, and let's get ready to praise God!
About the Author
Deborah Alice Clark Watson-Laster, Ph.D., M.A. is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor,a Master's Level Psychologist and a Licensed Independendent Chemical Dependency Counselor with over 30 years of direct and administrative experience in the human services field. She is the Clinical and Prevention Director of Community Action Against Addiction in Cleveland, Ohio.
Dr. Watson-Laster is a survivor of depression and teen-date violence and rape. She is; a passionate motivational speaker, community activist, award winning film maker of "Two Be or Not to Be", performing artist, and a Bible Instructor. She raised her three children, as a single mom, with much help from God and her family. She has written and directed several health promotion films, and theater productions.
AKA Evangelist Missionaray Dr. Watson-Laster, she is a very active leadership-member of Trinity Outreach Ministries Church of God in Christ where her brother, Elder Andrew Clark, Sr., serves as Pastor. Her best friends are her siblings, Dr. Walter J. Clark, Jr., Juilet Bonner, Dr. Vivian Clark-Jacobs, Kenneth Clark, and Andrew. While Deborah's heart belongs to her loving husband, Jerry Laster, her heroes are her dad, the Late Superintendent Walter Clark, Sr. and her precious loving mom, Jessie L. Clark.
Dr. Watson-Laster has authored Stress Management Hand Booklet for Christian Women, and is working on a book for teens and their moms. She is very excited about the release of Look Up! He Was There all the Time, which she has been painfully working on for a few years. She prays that this page turner autobiography is inspirational and empowering to the readers.
Finally, Deborah's has dedidcated this book to her mom, her dad, and to her precious and dynamic goal-oriented and saved children; Carlisha Watson-Bias, Kindergarten School Teacher, Jason Watson, College Professional Business Owner, and Jessyca, Honor Student, musician and Teen Model.