counterclock
a novel about adults behaving badly based on a true story
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so i'm taking your advice. i'm getting out. leaving the tower under my own propulsion. my life is a lie and i just can't do it anymore. i love bill, but i'm not in love with him. that's not ok. i think i stayed with him for the girls. i was not going to let those two little beauties go through what i went through - no way. and they turned out awesome! i am so proud of them both. i think now that the second one is through college, i'm finally feeling like it's ok to go - move on. this doesn't have anything to do with you, but i thank you for the catalyst you provided. i have a very small plan. i'm telling bill when he gets in from texas tonight. then i'm going to live out my life here until next friday, go to
i don't even really know if i love you anyway. i'm so far from my center i don't know what i want - out in the milky way somewhere. i'll probably end up a crack-addict whore giving blow-jobs on the sidewalk for $5 while everybody's watching, letting guys put their cigarettes out in my skin - right in the middle of my forehead - branded - LOSER.
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don't worry, i'm almost finished. here's your picture, sleazebag. do whatever you want with it. post it on the internet - put it on a billboard in times square. i am beautiful. i particularly love that portrait of me. the artist really captured me - my anger, my pain, my fear. he wouldn't let me smile.
as for you, let's talk about another crime – actually a sin - adultery - it's a biggie. why the hell would i want to be with a man who would cheat on his wife - yuck. you are lying to her and you are lying to yourself. i don't know what compensations your marriage gives you, but i will tell you that you are paying for them with your soul. i won't participate in that. i am SOOOO glad i didn't cheat on bill with you. he's a great guy, warm, generous, sweet, supportive and he has taken really good care of me.
he deserves better, and so does your wife.
you are also incredible critical. why would i want to be with someone who calls me an ok kisser - fuck you for that! that was really mean spirited. i suspect it's because you are much, much more critical with yourself. beat yourself up all the time, don't you? i didn't do this, i didn't do that, i'm not this, i'm not that. you actually sound a little depressed and definitely unfulfilled. why don't you cut yourself some slack - you and everybody around you? you'd be a lot more fun to be around.
then there's your world view - it is totally fucked up. do you watch exclusively fox news or something? i am a really smart, educated woman and i am definitely paying attention. you do not have the first CLUE what is going on in this world and the HORRORS this administration is inflicting on this country and this world. it is terrifying. global warming is real, sweet pea. my daughter just came back from
other that,
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About the Book
Kathryn Bowlyn, known to her friends and family as K., had the perfect life. she lived in a beautiful house on the water in key west with her handsome husband, Commander Bill Bowlyn. she had a successful career, made lots of money, had all the toys. so why was she so miserable? why did she feel the need to drink herself into oblivion every night? she had a hard time accepting it, but her life had to change. it started with a crush on a former colleague in new york – which turned into a stolen late night kiss – which turned into a racy e-affair. innocent enough – right? but as the mind goes, so goes the body - eventually. after much soul searching, she decides she has to leave. she loves bill, but she’s not in love with him – never has been. and she’s not a cheater. join her as she sets out to build a new life for herself. she stumbles and falls, has a torrid affair with Preston Rock, a married man with two – no three small children. she becomes obsessed with him. everyone and her mother tells her she’s crazy, she should be medicated, she’s making a terrible mistake, she’s delusional, she needs therapy, she’s drinking too much. she knows they are right – that her life is not working. but instead of retreating into a bottle of prozac or deprakote she chooses to believe in herself and in the end, finally reaches the light at the end of the tunnel.
This book is written as a series of email conversations between k. and the important people in her life. all k.’s emails are in standard type face. all emails from other people are in italics.