The Infinite Spiral

From the shadows of forever I watch him crying out to me and I am lost in the deepest sorrow imaginable.  Tangled in a web of weaving that I cannot free myself from or even begin to understand.  My heart bleeds and breaks countless times over and over again.  It blinds me from the light he exists within, but allows me to see the silhouette of the others he cannot perceive.  They have moved on, but he remains within this garden of twilight awaiting me; untouchable by this bondage that holds me so tightly.

It is a prison of my own making that was forged long ago when I discovered the most unfathomable loss a soul can imagine.  Darkness that is so great that it is all but forgotten and fled to the deepest recesses of my unconscious mind; yet the un-healing wound remains as an eternal scar upon my heart.  Wherein I could be liberated if I would just embrace it, I know that to do so will somehow bring that pain readily to my awareness once more.  Therefore I shun the truth that might set me free and accept instead the aching melancholy that has forever become my companion.

I dance along the edge of eternity and feel its blissful peace envelop my ever warring mind and heart.  Yet I fight that embrace along the precipice with everything that I am as it tries to pull me away.  In the end it always wins and I am left eternally alone and banished by its power.  Every time he disappears and with it all my hopes and dreams.  Everything shatters all about me and the infinite vastness of nothing consumes my very essence.  Within the void I curl up against myself into a ball, gathering the last remnants of despair as I rock back and forth in this fetal position.

The last memory I have is of his heart; nay, his very soul reaching out to save me…to complete me, but he fails.  It is because of him that the emptiness finally succeeds in taking me away.  For at the last moment I stare into the sky of stars that is decorated by the three celestial moons.  It reminds me of my greatest fear and that there are others for which my heart seeks as well.  If I let him come he will not save me, but rather I will destroy him along with myself.  There is no hope for my soul, but without me here, he and the others might yet find that light within themselves.  So I accept my fate for their sake.

I realize that this is the end and the feelings that well up within me are even beyond tears.  My soul whispers its final goodbyes before oblivion overtakes me.  The last sensation I experience is a combination of the most torrential and contrasting emotions I have ever known. 

They come in a pale imitation of life and those shadows linger so deeply around me.  They pass through my body like the cold touch of death mingled with that of a long lost lover…