Life After The Storm

Chapter Seventeen Pages 136 - 137

My grandmother's funeral caused me to think a lot about life, especially my life.  I thought about my Dad and my uncle who had died several years ago and my Dad was only fifty-eight years old.  I thought about my friend Tonia whose life had ended at such a young age.  My thoughts made me realize how short and how precious life is.  I realized that we should live each day as if it is the last day of our life, that we should live like there is no tomorrow.  It has been almost two years ago when a Mexican man knocked on my door and accused my husband of having an affair with his wife.  For almost two years I had been miserable and unhappy.  I realized that this was no way to live my life.  In fact, I had not been living but I had been merely existing.  I had simply accepted the hand that life had dealt me.  As I continued to think, my mind led me to my two beautiful children.  How could I be a good mother to them when I was so miserable and unhappy?  Because of James and his so-called friendship, I was constantly upset by one thing or another.  Then it all of a sudden hit me, I had been letting the two of them control my life and my happiness.  I was going to take control of my life for myself and for my children but I knew that I couldn't do it alone.  I thought about the Bible verse that I remembered hearing in church from Philippians 4:13; "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me."  I knew that God did not want me to continue living this way but I needed His guidance and His strength.

            I really did not want my marriage to end but instead I wanted James and I to work things out, not only for us but also for our children.  It was not enough for me to be the only willing person.  James had to also be willing to work things out because marriage is a partnership between two people.  He also had to end his friendship with this woman before we could move forward, this was an absolute must.  I had already given him every opportunity to make things right between us and to end his inappropriate relationship.  I gave him almost two years which was much more than I should have.  I began feeling naive and foolish for letting this situation continue for so long.  I decided to stop closing my eyes to the obvious and do some snooping around.  I needed to know exactly what I was dealing with and I needed proof.