Preface

One of the universal beliefs about divorce is: ‘This relationship breakdown is over, now we can get on with our lives’. Unfortunately, for some, the pain is just beginning.

The average divorce process can take one to two years to complete and can vary in cost from several hundred to several hundred thousand dollars. Divorce is a major life-changing event. The emotional trauma caused by separation, often compounded by a change in financial fortunes, affects and shapes one’s circumstances for years to come. My marriage lasted only three years, but a lifetime of hard work was washed away by the wave of greed that flowed from the divorce process. It can sometimes seem that divorce cases are the legal system’s method of punishing people for their failure to maintain their relationships.

For twenty years, I had used my experience as a successful real estate agent to educate my many clients about the importance of planning for their retirement through wise investment. As my divorce proceeded, I witnessed first hand my own future security, and that of my family, and even of my ex-wife herself, being destroyed by acrimonious and costly divorce litigation. It seems that the courts, the lawyers and the child support agencies fail to see that the pending financial disaster for the very people they want to protect is being fostered by the system they preside over.

Strictly speaking, divorce means having a marriage officially dissolved by a court order, so that the parties are therefore free to remarry. However, most people associate the term divorce with the whole process of separation, property settlement, resolving disputes about children and the dissolution of marriage. In this book, the term divorce comprises all these things.

The Family Court system contains an inherent contradiction. It relies on lawyers to make divorce cases run smoothly but those lawyers are often using up the future assets of the very people the Court seeks to protect. This happens, in part, because the system has no safeguards to ensure all the necessary legal work actually benefits the client. A lawyer may work many hours on your case, but experience suggests that, frequently, they are not advancing your cause. Many are simply defending against attacks from the other side and getting extensions of time to delay having to focus on trying to win.

In order to ‘win’ your lawyer must take control of the case and dictate the agenda. Your legal expenses will be just as high whether your lawyer takes control or they simply react. Unfortunately, if both spouses’ lawyers fail to take control, the case will develop a life of it own, resulting in enormous fees to lawyers who are merely following procedures, but not taking stock of their clients’ goals and objectives.

This book is about doing your divorce ‘well’. It will help keep your money in your pocket, not your lawyer’s. Remember this is your divorce, not your lawyer’s. So you need to be actively involved in how the process progresses. Your lawyer can and will advise you about many things. In the end, however, you are the one who needs to be making the decisions, so that you can achieve the best result.