Becoming A Woman
A Journey Toward Sexual Maturity
by
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My first consensual sexual experience happened at the age of eleven. It was the summer of ‘76. I wanted a boyfriend because I was entering junior high school that fall. I told some older girls, twelve year olds who already had boyfriends, about my wish for a boyfriend. They arranged for the little brother of one of their boyfriends, who was going to be going to the same junior high as me, to be my boyfriend. All I had to do was have sex with him first. I wanted a boyfriend really badly, so I agreed. We went into the house; actually the laundry room to have some privacy. Once we were alone, I leaned back against the wall. I pulled down, but not off my shorts and he did the same. We both left our shirts on. He leaned forward and started kissing me. I could feel his now semi-erect penis rubbing up against my privates. It’s funny remembering it now because I was not the least bit excited; yet he was leaning against me attempting to insert his penis into my body. We heard a noise outside and separated and pulled up our clothes. Some of the younger boys, who had heard what we were going to do, had decided to watch. You would think we would have left it at that; but no, we decided to persevere. We went into the bathroom to try again. Now if the laundry room was awkward, the bathroom was impossible. We again pulled down, but not off our shorts as I leaned against; I think the door this time. A couple of kisses and gropes later and he was again attempting to insert his semi-erect penis into my un-excited body. I don’t know how long we would have continued at this; as the experience was of very short duration because those same boys were now attempting to listen at the bathroom door. I had finally had enough; so we separated, pulled up our shorts and called it finished. Once back outside, all the boys were giving my new boyfriend slaps on the back for now being a man. I sat on the steps and refused to talk to the other girls who had come over to ask how it was. When my new boyfriend came and sat beside me to see what was wrong, I refused to talk with him also.
Now, I know I had agreed, but after our attempt at sex I was so ashamed I just couldn’t talk to anyone. My new boyfriend, of course, got upset that I wouldn’t talk to him and gave me an ultimatum, either I talk to him or we call it over. I didn’t talk to him so we were over just that quickly. That was my shortest relationship to date. I don’t think we were a couple for more than ten minutes. Unfortunately, for my mental health, I was now scared that I could be pregnant. My menstruation cycle hadn’t even started yet. However, I just knew I was going be the only girl in
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Woman To Woman |
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The single most stupid thing I think I have ever done was agreed to have sex with someone so that he would be “my boyfriend.” Unfortunately, this is a mistake that women have made since the beginning of time and will most likely continue to make until the end of time. I did it, probably, for the same reason as every other female throughout history. I wanted to belong. It has only been as I grew up mentally, that I have learned I have the right to demand that I be wanted for my total package, not just for the sex. That is a side benefit of a relationship. |
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About the Book
Becoming A Woman is author Patricia Ange’s perspective on her sex life and other sexcapades. The journey begins with the author’s sexual awakening in childhood to her declaration of celibacy in her late 20s.
Beginning with the first chapter, readers learn about the earliest of sexual exploration and knowledge with childhood sex game, fumbling attempts at intimacy and how these endeavors lead way to teenage crushes, teenage sex and teenagers dating older, more experienced men. In “Student Affairs,” Patricia evaluates self-esteem, sexual tension and teasing, and the dynamics of high school relationships. The author graduates to “Higher Learning” by sharing the college experiences, in and outside of the classroom and the lost of virginity.
From a broken engagement to taking up with older and later, married men, the author finds herself repeating her harassment on other, more vulnerable, male classmates and participating in adult sex game. A pregnancy scare, family responsibilities and a death will ultimately combat some of the author’s self-destructive, irresponsible behavior and cause her to make some hard decisions for her future welfare.
Yet, before her ultimate renewal, her search for a suitable partner in “Looking for Mr. Goodbar” produced an unhealthy addiction to a partner’s sexual prowess despite his drug abuse and led to a violent break-up and concerns for her life. In Chapter 15, the final chapter Patricia swears off sex for honest healing. Her decision is more mental than physical yet, that decision would widen her thought processes and cause her to reaffirm her relationship with her God.
About the Author
Patricia Ange was born, raised and educated in the Florida Panhandle. A lifelong lover of books, she always dreamed of penning her own book one day. Considering herself undisciplined and unable to sit down and write a full-length text, she devoted all of her time and energy into writing poetry. Patricia finally sat down at the computer and started writing after she was challenged by a friend to tell some of her past experiences. She continued to write at each available moment for days, then weeks, then months. Becoming A Woman is her first non-poetry book.
Patricia Ange wrote this book to express to young girls that a person’s sexual past does not necessarily determine her lifelong sexual choices. Becoming A Woman documents the author’s journey to take charge of her sexuality rather than allow her sexuality to rule her life. By being a professional counselor, Patricia Ange has also gone back and offered Woman To Woman advice in each chapter to other young women about poor decisions and mistakes on her road to sexual maturity. The stories she shares and the knowledge she gained along the way are instructional and inspiration for young girls, but also for women of all ages, who are in the constant state of discovering themselves and learning how to exist as a fully sexualized female today.