The Forerunner
by
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I looked up at the sky as our heels began to click in rhythm upon the cobblestones. The day was cold and gloomy, the clouds scattered in dark formations. I have often heard how on gloomy days a dark feeling would engulf people and cause them to feel the same but today
was different. Today I felt as if the gloom had begun in me and grown to such a proportion that it escaped from within and encompassed the sky and earth. And though there was an occasional sharp gust of wind, the air had THE FORERUNNER 5 an aura of quietness and stillness about it. I was happy there was such stillness and darkness in the air for I don’t
believe I could ever bring out the true thoughts and emotions I feel within if the day was sunny and full of life. The thoughts and emotions had lain dormant in me for so many years that I knew they could only be expressed where there was no happiness, or warmth, or comfort.
Cordelia paused when we reached the middle of the bridge. We leaned against the railing and peered down into the water that passed beneath us. “I believe the brook has dried up some.” There was a hint of weariness in Cordelia’s voice as she answered. “Yes, I believe it has. So you see, nothing ever remains the same.” I looked up from the water toward Cordelia and into her eyes. “Have you changed, Cordelia? Have you dried up inside?”
“Everybody changes.” I waited for Cordelia to say more but she remained silent. She looked down at the brook and I followed her gaze, trying to see what it was she found in the water. I was surprised to find, even on this gloomy day, that enough light came from the sky above to afford a slight darkening of the water that was the shadow of the bridge we stood upon. As I looked closer I could see the shadow of two images, faceless and black, as they were reflected up from the surface. “I feel like we’ve been forgotten here, like we never existed,” I found myself saying as I looked into the water. “I remember this place, like a dream I’ve had, yet I feel
I’m coming here for the fi rst time.”children could not remember us. We were just shadows from its past and, as the water washes away and is replaced with new water, so the people and events of the past had washed away. As I continued to look at the images the shadows began to take shape and as the features became clearer I realized I was looking at myself, not as I was, but as I had been as a child. Th e image beside me was not that of Cordelia but of Richard, looking down onto the water with his clever face and the ever present smile he had as a child. “You wouldn’t tell on me if I jumped into the water from here, would you Richard?” I sat on the railing that overlooked the stream like I did on most warm, sunny days. Droplets of water still clung to my feet and ankles, a testament to the recent wading Richard and I had done. “I wouldn’t tell on you.”
“Would you try and stop me?”
“Would you want me to, Edmund?”
I’m not sure if I knew what Richard meant those many years ago and looking back I’m not so sure it would have mattered if I had. Children so often set their mind a certain way and can’t be swayed from their choices. I was seven that summer; Cordelia wasn’t quite four. And Richard, he was almost eleven, though I didn’t think of him in terms of chronological age but just as my brother who was much older and wiser than I. Cordelia was still recovering from the rheumatic fever that had almost taken her from us the previous winter and was only allowed to come outside with the governess or grandfather. Though THE FORERUNNER _ 7 we would spend many happy times together in the years to come it had just been Richard and I playing down by the stream that day. “Why would you want to jump off the bridge anyway?”
“I don’t know. Did you ever jump off the bridge?”
“Yes I did Edmund, but I never had anyone to tell me it wasn’t worth it; that all I would get was wet feet with no real feeling of satisfaction.” “You don’t want me to jump, do you?”
“No I don’t, but sometimes people have to learn on their own. Others can’t tell them.”
I wish now I had listened to and understood what Richard had said. To show him I cared and respected what he told me. Richard had been right. I did jump off the bridge into the water. Not that day but another day when Richard wasn’t around. I jumped off the bridge into the water and, like Richard said, got my feet wet with no real feeling of satisfaction. But Richard hadn’t told me about the guilt I would feel. I didn’t know then that it was guilt, it was just a feeling inside I didn’t li
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About the Book
The death of a loved one can be very dramatic. And if the death is unexpected it can be even more devastating. In the novel ‘The Forerunner’, Edmund Ausmus has lived his life shadowed not only by guilt he has felt since the death of his brother Richard during World War II, but also by the anger he had directed toward his father whom he partly blamed for his brother’s death.
After a twenty-one year self-imposed exile, Edmund returns to his childhood home in the hopes that by sharing his feelings with his sister Cordelia he might come to terms with his guilt and anger. But the reunion with Cordelia raises more questions than answers when she informs him that Richard never intended on returning from the war, that he wanted to die there. Confused and unsettled by the news, Edmund embarks on a journey to
fi nd the truth concerning his brother’s death.
Through conversations Edmund has with Cordelia, and by confronting memories of his past, Edmund learns things about his family he never knew. The secrets Edmund uncovers begins to shed light on the reasons some of the events of the past had transpired the way they had. And by delving even deeper into Richard’s past and by talking with those who knew Richard before the war, Edmund is able to learn the unsettling secret which drove Richard to the choice he made about his life. When his journey is complete Edmund is able to reconcile himself with the past and accept his place in the family he for years had run away from.
About the Author
Jordan Bennett became interested in writing while in grade school. He has used his experiences working in retail management and manufacturing, and traveling, to observe human behavior and interactions. THE FORERUNNER is his first published work and he is currently working on a new novel and a book of short stories he plans to publish in 2007- 2008.