A Bayonne Journal

(Jan.1.2005.sat. New Year’s Day) (NEW BOOK,2005,BAYONNE) "Will Megan Come Back,Do I Live Or Die? Title. 11:50 a.m. Warm and Sunny day out,cold air tonight,is supposed to come in,I put on the jacket,grey. Vacuumed house,first floor and stairs,before going out,Saturday,New Year’s day,at least the stores would be open tomorrow,Sunday the Second,January-05. I like the month of January,for some reason,feels fresh,it’s always first month into a new year. I hope things go bad for this girl,Megan,after everything she’s done to me,I want her pain,and I think will happen,faint idea,but there was something else,Options,another option,later on today,did’nt seem half bad,possibly a new beginning,in things,something I realized later on in the day,January First,I explain it later,Option #1,and Option #2,there now is? Maybe I wont die,up in some alley,after all,it’s been so bleak,shitty set of years,since 1996. 7-Star closed,these people are annoying,closed alot,were closed Christmas,had to go up the street,end of the street to,the Shop-Smart,Mini Mart,get a bagel,coffee,dont like those Indian’s,at the Quality-King,either,no respect,they get alot of people,you know. Indian,the man,always tells me Mega’s up to a $100 million,when’s not,rather then check,how much,tiny crook of his neck to look it up? Another coffee at Superior-Market’s Deli,further up,they’re o.k.,e.18th.

*Watched Single White Female,last night,New Year’s Eve,turn over,92,Bridget Fonda,Jennifer Jason Leigh,tv? watched Blame It On Rio,84,Michelle Johnson,the little Brady girl,smallest,God did she change,Dec.31st.night,2004? I still remember,the 99-00 turnover,was very interesting,large celebrations all over the world,London,Paris,Russia,China,Times Square,N.Y.C.? It was such a big deal. (This book Seven of Seven,journal’s of town,Bayonne,2005: Continued from Dec.31st.2004). I signed off,and finished that book last night,2004,entire book,put THE END,on it? 29 Gallon tank,in Colonial Pet’s,east 18th,Broadway,Colonial was of course closed,tank was $229.99,comes with assessories,things,gravel,and plastic,Red Foxtail,plants. Rite-Aid,setting up Valentine’s,candy in aisles,already February props,God,Jan.First,2005,only? What about getting into body tone,weight lifting,an idea? Browsing Revlon aisle,what about getting into *beauty school,a going idea,it’s a living. Pumice sponges,in Rite-Aid,toured,Wet-N-Wild,blush,cheek pads,$2.99. Children’s cards again,looking at,in Rite-Aid store,card game called Crazy-8’s,ages 4-up? Put a new calender up in kitchen,2005,January has 31 days. Books,section,Fern Micheal’s,Weekend Warriors? Look at a picture of Avril Levigne,in the back of Bop,music mag.,all the stars,Ashlee Simpson,Kelly Clarkson’s cute,also like her? Young people,Avril Levigne there,she smiles in a picture in the back,I love Avril,in 05.

*When I was walking around,the blocks,colorful party confetti,left all around,New Year’s Partying here,there in front of houses? Our block,was quiet. I was out there banging pots,but no fire crackers,or confetti,heard a few in distance,South of town,at turnover,Twelve a.m.,05? Rocket went up,and popped,dully. One p.m. Look through Bop,music magazines,*young people,Avril Levigne,there,she smiles in a picture in the back of the magazine,I love Avril,in 05. All the stores (closed),many,Broadway looked so strange like this,only once a year,on New Year’s. The Dee-Dee’s was open,department store,I browsed there,Saturday,did not feel like one,a Saturday,lonely,quiet,noone,naked streets,vacanted,only day of the year,it’s so like this? I’m going to have to go back into it,reexplain everything about me,that’s going on,each time I start a new book over,in beginning of the year? All about Megan,and all about it. Stay tuned,for further detail. "Anxiety",is my problem,have to mention,my gross days phase,it’s going to get better though,we’re going to get out of this soon,my Seven-Eight years of bad luck,after relatively good living,in 96,and before? Anxiety,remember,keep,just an empty,clean,nowhere stay,your mind,try to keep it off,the stuff,worries,dont chew,we’ll figure it out,I was saying later on,I almost hoped I would just go out,get a job,keep a simple scene,very,work,get a job,and forget about the girl,a family,avoid it all,could be so simple,and quiet,which I like.

In the Rite-Aid,go back for that Crazy 8’s,game,maybe later,at 4:30 p.m.,was $2.99? Into card games,these days,I held back,mostly kid’s stuff,I dont understand the regular cards,Poker game,Black Jack? I need to start of,elementary. Brown socks,pair,in the Dee-Dee’s,$1.00? Men’s Flannel Shirts,$4.99,in bins,Dee-Dee’s. Ladies Camisoles,$2.99,tops. Workers,clearing bins,in Dee-Dee’s,Christmas section’s gone,the First,of year,05,in Bayonne,N.J. A Sunny day out,nice,warm,to walk. S-A,browse store,bins,Men’s Sweat Shirts,$3.99. Wondering,Bayonne man Chris,young guy,goes by,bearded,local,homeless,he seems to like it,as I came out before,he went by my house,man I see? Looked like he had a cold,night outside,last night. *Polite,clean,dress and way,little girl,sort of see,I.D.? Trying to get it right,ways. I sort of go for the Victorian,the Naive,look? Air-Land Express,Washington,N.Y.,van.,on Avenue A,uptown,by big Bayonne Park,in Bayonne,New Year’s day.  It was the First,of the New Year,2005,and were feeling good,actually I should of been,but I was’nt,this Megan,worries about it,worried about being homeless,cant let that happen,that’s too tough,job is better,anything is? Anxiety,have to imagine the best,not worst,I always imagine the worst,naturally. Try to keep a basic lightness,real,stay too,dump all big thoughts,no good for you.

Five p.m. I had a strange idea(new),but not a first time thought,explain a plan to just get a job,live alone,quiet,eerie existance,like this,to continue these weekend strolls,not change anything,haunting walks,weekends,come down Broadway at Four p.m.,watch these Winter Sunsets,a quiet,--