Giving Up On Love

I have always wondered what it takes to attract a good man and carry on a loving relationship that would lead to overall happiness.  I examine myself constantly to try and find out where did I go wrong?  What could I do differently from what I am already doing?  My goal was to find a nice guy and be married by the age of twenty-five.  He didn’t have to be perfect, just motivated to have happiness as much as I did.  I wanted a companion.  I needed somebody who I could tell my business to and not hear about it in the streets.  Someone that I can laugh with, go to church with, go on vacations with, walk around the mall holding hands with, and work for a common goal with.  I need someone to call if my car breaks down on Interstate 95 other than triple A.  I want to have meaningful conversations and great sex that gives me a glow that other people can see.  I want to receive gifts and be surprised with a creative evening planned just to make me smile.  And there’s no doubt, I would return the deed.  Now I’m twenty-eight and all I have found is cheating, no job-having, no goals-having, broke ass brothers.  The odds are definitely against me seeming like I’ve been cursed or something.

     I consider myself a good catch for any man.  I’m beautiful, educated, career-minded, and I hate to toot my own horn, but there’s not too many women out there that can smother pork chops with gravy and onions like me.  I love to cook and don’t mind cooking everyday of the week.  I’m particular but not anal.  I like my house to be clean and fresh smelling, which would mean that my clothes, dishes, and floors are cleaned daily.  I follow daily routines to make sure certain things are done daily like making the bed and emptying the garbage cans.  But yet, I have no man.  Either I try too hard or the curse is too strong.  Men complain all the time about the women in their lives.  They can’t cook; or their women won’t work; or their women spend too much money maintaining hair, nails, shopping, and entertainment.  All I think is that if he had chosen me instead of her, he wouldn’t have all of these complaints.  Hell, I graduated from the beauty academy, I can do a French manicure on my own nails better than the Asians.  My hair is naturally curly and easy to style, especially if I do a short cut.  I cook; I work; and I spend my own money.  The question is: why do men fall for the types of women that they later complain about?  Or even a better question would be, why can’t I have a chance with one of THESE men?  I put emphasis on these because I’m referring to men that can support a woman that don’t work and afford to eat out everyday for the women who don’t cook; Men that like to see their woman happy even if he complains to his boys later.  Not men that are so broke that they are musty because they cannot even afford a bottle of deodorant; or men that live from female to female just to be assured that her food stamps would provide three meals a day and maybe a snack in between; or men that if he asks you out on a date, you would have to wait until he rides his bike to your crib, and drive your car using your gas for this date that he planned or catch the public bus.

    My unsuccessful relationships started out very young, matter of fact when I was just fourteen.  Many women can probably say that they have been through the same thing but the difference between me and them is that at some point, they found happiness.  They have the memory of planning and starring in the wedding of their dreams.  Every year when I do my spring cleaning, I ramble through my box with my future wedding plans.  All the catalogs and pictures of gowns and accessories remind me of my failure to find a good man.  I’ve been trying very hard for a very long time and I have followed the Sista’s Rules and I still come up empty-fingered.  As I watched the garbage man dispose of my wedding plan box, I shed a tear because there is nothing left for me to do except GIVE UP ON LOVE!!!