Conflict Resolution For Christian Couples

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, whether you’re a Christian or not. Yet many people enter into relationships with the expectations that, if it’s a good relationship, if it has God’s blessing, there should be no conflict. When conflict inevitably does occur, people often end up incorrectly concluding that the relationship was a mistake. People will deny, avoid, repress or ignore conflict in hopes that it will go away. But a healthy relationship is often determined by how smoothly conflict can be negotiated, not ignored. It is a skill that, even if not modeled by your caregivers while you were growing up, is learnable. It all comes down to: • Having a good foundation from which to work • Having a good selection of tools to handle whatever problems come along • Knowing which tools to use and when • Following through in using them consistently When I use the word “foundation” I’m referring to the attitudes, expectations, understandings and beliefs that you bring to the relationship - not just those pertaining to romantic relationships, the roles of husband and wife, but also how well you understand yourself. • If your attitude about a relationship is formed solely on the amount of energy your partner is expending for you, there are going to be problems. • If you’re entering a relationship expecting that God’s going to do all the work to make necessary change occur, there are going to be problems. • If your understanding of relationships is limited because you grew up in a family that didn’t model healthy conflict, there are going to be problems. • If your belief about relationships is that it’s all about unconditional love, and accountability is just another form of judgment, there are going to be problems. Understand that the foundation is the core of the relationship – if the core is unhealthy, then everything else that happens within that relationship is perceived through that unhealthy filter. Yes, even if you have a healthy foundation, there will still be problems, but the healthier the foundation, the more easily those problems can be resolved, and the less work there is overall.