I Need to Scream! Would Anyone Even Hear Me?

I should have written this book long ago. I’m not a psychologist. I am not even a professional counselor. I do not represent a “feel good” cottage industry interested in making the big bucks off of a new consumer group. I am a mere mortal who has traveled the hard journey set out for me when my husband received a diagnosis of cancer at 36 years old.

If you are caring for an ill family member or loved one, then look no further than these pages. This book will help you through the process of functioning each day. It is a personal passage of mine, combined with practical guidelines to help you with your own struggle.

I longed for a pamphlet or book about personal survival while caring for my husband. During that time the Internet did not exist like it does today, so my options were definitely limited. Even with the World Wide Web at our disposal, it is not very convenient to jump online while playing the multiple roles of spouse, parent, advocate, housekeeper, taxi driver, therapist and pharmacist.

I Need to Scream! Would Anyone Even Hear Me? is a book I could have used during the experience of caring for my husband. It includes suggestions and much needed information on how to make your situation easier. It is divided into two parts. The first deals with the practical, medical aspects of the journey while going through the long hard fight with your loved one. It helps you learn how to cope with doctors, hospitals and choices open to you, including helpful suggestions that worked for me.

The second part is totally devoted to you, the caregiver, and how to take care of yourself and your family, with the emphasis on YOU!

Whether your seriously ill loved one is a spouse, parent, partner, child or friend, the advice is still the same. This book is unscientific. Yet, it is as real as the fire burning in my heart and soul as I wrote it.

The late Jacqueline Kennedy inspired me to finally move forward with this project. I have always emulated and admired the First Lady. The final picture of her that captured my heart was not one of beauty and vigor; rather it was one of diminishing health after her diagnosis of cancer. She was struggling through a walk in the park with her daughter, Caroline. I began to cry. Seeing that picture of Mrs. Kennedy truly moved me.

I realized that her children had been facing the same day-to-day struggles that I endured. I wondered if someone like me would have been able to help them. Caroline’s frozen smile belonged to me for almost four years.  I looked at the sad, tired Caroline, trying to be strong and looking brave. It dawned on me that all of the money, political importance and fame mean nothing in the face of serious illness. Nobody is immune from its horror.

You might say that Jacqueline Kennedy’s illness breathed new life into my soul. At that point I knew I had to share my experience with others in similar circumstances.

I Need to Scream! Would Anyone Even Hear Me?  will help you on your ride into the wild world of medical tests, terms and attitudes. We caregivers have been given little recognition in our own fight for survival. I believe that we have been overlooked. At the time of my husband’s illness I longed to read someone else’s comforting words either privately or at the hospital while waiting for him as he underwent numerous tests.

I had to endure well-meaning individuals who urged me to go into therapy or join a support group. Were they kidding? In my case it was totally impractical since I had two growing children and my husband was in a hospital more than an hour from our home. And the cost! For more than two years we raised our girls by using the telephone while on the road. My life was a total mess. Nobody understood!

I am offering this guide so that it will help you through the obstacles, roadblocks and intersections that will be part of your new medical highway. I know what you are going through. It can be hard, heartbreaking and lonely. But to this day, I continue to be stronger while embarking on my personal journey and recovery mission.

You, too, will survive. You will find strength inside yourself unknown to you before. Allow yourself the luxury of laughter as well as tears. If you have a spiritual faith or belief system, do not abandon it! Embrace it. Use it. You will need all of your inner resources in order to get you through this difficult time.

Remember that you are NOT alone. I have walked those bleak miles in your shoes. It is fine to break down once in awhile. You are allowed to become fearful and downright angry. It is hard to keep up the façade of being the Rock of Gibraltar. Before my husband’s illness took over our lives, I was a jellyfish who cried reading Hallmark greeting cards. I soon became baptized by fire.