True Tales Slightly Skewed
by
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But I was ill-prepared to launch myself into the dating scene. Even when I was younger I had never been a smooth dog, the tall, dark charmer who could pick up women. I had no knack for it then and I was even more clueless now. And I was terrified. But being single again I didn’t feel like a whole person. I felt excluded. It seemed like everyone I knew was part of a couple.
Without a mate I talked to myself a lot. Worse, I talked to inanimate objects: “Stupid fork, why did you jump off the counter?” Or: “Damn it! Why can’t you tear off evenly in neat squares?” I even talked to my toilet paper. I had to muster up some guts and get out there.
When I was younger we had often gone to bars to meet women, but for me now at age 47 it was only a tiny notch higher than personal ads. I asked one of my colleagues, a self professed pickup artist, if he had any tips. “When you first meet them,” he advised, “say something a little unusual. But it has to be shocking enough to get their attention.” I thought of a phrase and started rehearsing it. “Hi, I’m Barney. I drink my own urine.”
But even armed with this new tactic, I didn’t feel confident. I felt like I was being washed overboard into a frigid and indifferent ocean to start a 10 mile swim to shore to reach the golden girls in the sand. I calculated my chances for this achievement at about zero and 1/2. But I had to try.
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About the Book
The chapters take you from a teenager’s inept hunting trip, to spoofs on fads, how not to do a luau, amorous temptations and miscues in love, outdoor adventures gone bad, experiences living in a trailer park, and the joys (not) of trying to regain one’s life after heart surgery.
About the Author
In 1990 he retired, which finally gave him time to pursue one of his passions, writing. After working on this craft for a couple of years he began to see his work published, in magazine articles and then his first book, True Tales of a Wyoming Generation.
Recovered from a quadruple bypass heart surgery, he now spends his time in the mountains, hiking and back country skiing, as well as writing and indulging his grandchildren.