The Black Man's Guide to Romancing the Black Woman

The first black woman I fell in love with was my grandmother.  I was just a boy but I quickly learned that this woman loved me for whom and what I was.  Although I did not have much to offer her, she taught me how to love in spite of all the other life lessons I would soon learn as I grew into my manhood. As I was growing up, my mother was very influential in my life but with much conflict.  I saw her as a strong black woman who didn’t take any mess from anyone.  After becoming an adult, I later found out that she wasn’t as strong as she could have been.  Despite her weaknesses, she taught me how to take care of my household.  She challenged my male ego and questioned my views about women by asking me what kind of husband I thought I would be to my wife.  When I look back my mother is the woman who was the architect to building my character as a black man.   Now, I’m no expert on women or even romancing them, but, I know what I know from experience and if my experience helps you then you’re reading the right book.  I’m no Dr. Phil, but he hasn’t had the life I’ve had and yet somehow I think he would agree with me.

            What is romance?  Well, I’m not going to keep you in suspense; it’s not a night out at dinner, dancing, the theater, or a movie.  It’s not a picnic lunch or a date at the museum.  It’s not the club scene and definitely not booty call.  These are just love games.  I’m a major fan of romantic stories because they have always intrigued me what the boy does to get the girl then lose the girl only to get the girl back.  Or what the girl does to attract the boy then, use the boy only to realize she’s in love with him.  Most people think that like chivalry, romance is dead.  “Romance is about the possibility in a thing.  It’s about the first time a man asks a woman out until the first time he makes love to her or when a man asks a woman to marry him until the time she says I do.  When a couple who’s been together for a long period of time says there’s no more romance, what they’re really saying is they’ve exhausted the possibilities.”  (Darius Lovehall; Love Jones, 1997)  There is no real definitive description of romance because it is a learned behavior.  We absorb what we see from our parents, grandparents, neighbors, where we go to church, or the club.  It’s the portrayal that we perceive from music videos, the movies, and even romantic novels.  We take a little bit from each and try to emulate or incorporate these different styles into our own romantic activities.