THE JERKIEST THINGS MEN HAVE EVER SAID TO WOMEN -- Volume I
by
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Harry and Nan were at a restaurant with a group of his friends when Nan told a joke that kind of bombed because she forgot part of it. Everyone else laughed politely, but Harry announced in a very loud, irritated tone of voice, "That wasn’t funny at all!" Conversation came to a halt as everyone looked down in embarrassment.
Harry asked with eyes wide: "Did I say something wrong?"
Of course not. Being humiliated in a group of people would be music to anyone’s ears!
39
Bill and Tina were having sex for the first time when he looked down at her in disgust. "Can’t you wiggle around down there or something? I feel like I’m screwing a corpse!"
Well, having a dead piece of meat inside me isn’t real inspiring, you know?
40
Tony and Brenda had only known each other a few days, but she was hopeful that he might be possible boyfriend material. On their next date, she asked him, "I don’t mean to push you, but is a relationship something you’re looking for?"
"Well, no. But I’d like to come over and have sex with you twice a week."
Then, c’mon down! That’s an offer I couldn’t possibly refuse!
41
Julie had been taking singing lessons for five years and was finally going to be performing in public at a local club. After the show, which elicited moderate applause, her boyfriend, Victor, whispered in her ear: "Better stick to your day job."
Speaking of sticking it . . .
42
While walking down Santa Monica Promenade one day, Warren and Gina ran into Chuck, an old friend of Warren’s whom he hadn’t seen in a while. Chuck asked the two, "So, how long have you two been dating?"
Warren interjected quickly, "Oh, we’re not dating; we’re just sleeping together."
Well, Chuck, since bedding me is the only thing Warren’s interested in, why don’t you and I get together for a real date?!
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About the Book
Ladies, you will definitely relate to this book if:
• a man has pinched your waist and asked you if you’ve gained weight
• a man has mentioned that you’re not as attractive as his ex-girlfriend
• a man has accused you of lazing around all day after you’ve cleaned the house, cooked the meals, and taken care of his three kids for 12 hours!
• a man has walked into your house filled with cat memorabilia—and your own two felines—and proclaimed, "I hate cats!"
• a man has gotten up two seconds after making love to you, saying he’s got things to do
• a man has asked you how old you are within ten seconds of meeting you
• a man has . . . well, you get the idea . . .
***
Now, men, you will definitely relate to this book if:
• your girlfriend or wife has shoved it into your hands and forced you to read it!
***
Ladies, as you read the true accounts within these pages, prepare to laugh, cry, and scream.
But please don’t be too hard on the men in your lives . . .
for they know not what they do!
About the Author
The name Devon Marcus is a pseudonym (seeing as the author’s friends and family don’t want to be associated in any way with this piece of trash, uh . . . literature).
But really, who is Devon Marcus? Well, for one thing, she’s a member of that very small club composed of the "never-been-marrieds, never-had-kids." And she’s damned proud! As she always says, "I haven’t committed a crime—why should I go to prison?"
Devon also resides in Southern California, but you had to know that, right?