Bitch Incorporated
How to Bitch Appropriately Without Being Bitchy
by
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I believe I must have been born this way. Could I have known as I slid forth into this world that the doctor was botching my birth and nearly killing my mother? If so, how difficult, how incredibly frustrating it must have been for I did not yet have command of the words with which to confront him. Without words, we can choose only screams or silence. I’m sure I screamed. Can it be that my assertive personality was determined in those first few moments? (drawing #1)
My mother often stated that I was the only one of her four daughters who brought home stray people rather than stray animals. My “collection of” and concern for people allowed me to observe large cross sections of humanity and sealed my fate as a crusader. For a while I clung to the belief that each person was born with the courage, determination, knowledge and necessary tools to stand up for themselves. How naïve I was.
Eventually I was able to separate desire from fact and admit that huge numbers of both adults and kids allow other people to walk all over them. I still cringe at the results. People who do not stand up for themselves are constantly irritated, angry, sad, and/or fearful. They lack self respect. Sometimes they take their hurt and anger out on others; just as often they punish themselves.
By the time I was in my late teens, I was seriously considering opening a business called BITCH INCORPORATED. I hated to see those I cared about taken advantage of. I hated to see folks I did not even know taken advantage of. Heck, I even hated to see people I didn’t particularly like taken advantage of. I reasoned that, rather than allow injustice to continue, rather than have the little person, the good person, the honest person, the innocent person lose, I would hire myself out and do their bitching for them. I loved the idea; people I talked with over the next few years loved the idea. Sadly, it was not to be. In order to have a baby (a long story I will not relate here), I became a psychologist.
As a psychologist, I was able to help people learn (for a much higher fee, of course) when, how, why and where to assert themselves. Yet the lure of a business called BITCH INCORPORATED roamed restlessly through the pathways of my mind. Ultimately I had to face the fact that far more people could benefit from a book than from any kind of one-on-one service I could provide -- whether as a psychologist or as the sole staff member of BITCH INCORPORATED. I must admit, the idea of writing a book was not half as appealing as actively doing other people’s bitching for them, but….
So here it is. I hope you will enjoy the read. My goal has been to make the information helpful but not heavy, the reading fun as well as informative, to bring a smile to your face and laughter to your lips, courage to your actions and peace to your soul.
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About the Book
Take this simple test:
Do I shy away from confrontation?
Do I fear standing up for myself?
Do I make excuses to avoid standing up for myself?
Do I allow others to take advantage of me?
Do I get down on myself because I let others run my life?
Do I yearn to stand up for myself in a way I can be proud of?
Do I worry too much about what others think of me?
Do I become angry but seldom resolve the situation that is upsetting me?
Do I feel dissatisfied with the way I stand up for myself?
If you have answered any of these questions with a “yes”, this book is definitely for you.
BITCH INCORPORATED: How To Bitch Appropriately Without Being Bitchy is a practical book that demonstrates how to stand up for yourself and feel good doing so. Reading this book is fun. Learning is the surprising by-product. Using real-life, frequently humorous vignettes, the demonstration begins. This is not a heavy book (life is already heavy enough). This is not a psychology text (there are lots of those out there). There is no “how to menu,” of steps to take, no discussion of theories, no psychobabble or clever acronyms. Rather this book is filled with humorous, familiar, real-life vignettes. You will smile, you may even laugh right out loud, undoubtedly you will see yourself in some of the situations described, but best of all you will learn without struggle. And, one day, when you find yourself confronted by similar situations, you will remember vignettes from this book and realize you actually know a better way to respond.
About the Author
Dr Samantha Payne received her Ph.D. in psychology from the
As far back as her early teens, Dr. Payne noted the large number of adults as well as peers who either stood up for themselves inappropriately or did not stand up for themselves at all. At seventeen she seriously considered opening a business called BITCH INCORPORATED, hiring out to do other peoples bitching for them while, at the same time, demonstrating how to bitch appropriately.
Throughout undergraduate and graduate school, and during her many years working as a psychologist, Dr. Payne continued to observe the same, disturbing pattern. Finding that many of her clients did not know how to stand up for themselves appropriately was not surprising. These folks were in therapy because they needed and wanted help. However, observing the same problem among friends, acquaintances and co-workers, of all ages and both sexes, in the general population was of grave concern. Many of them did not comprehend the extent to which their inability to stand up for themselves appropriately was playing havoc with their lives. Those who did had no idea how to solve this problem.
When she retired, Dr. Payne was determined to write a book about this problem, a book that would be applicable to women, men and teens, a book that would be fun to read and hopefully would make learning easy. BITCH INCORPORATED: How to Bitch Appropriately Without Being Bitchy is this book. Dr. Payne currently lives on the Big Island of Hawaii with her husband of 36 years.