Love is a Journey
Couples Facing Cancer
by
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The shock of the NEWS generally is so great that it is difficult to hold intimate, deep heart, deep gut conversations. Instead the couple may elect to do more things together than is typical for them, while managing their respective fears as best they can. Sometimes they are too shocked and too fearful to speak these fears to one another. For some couples, this becomes a time of pretending together that there is no bogey man haunting them, even though their time together is dampened by a dark cloud they cannot seem to shake, no matter how cheerful they try to act.
For other couples, the NEWS stimulates a move toward less closeness and greater relationship distance. The partners begin to disengage from one another as a way of responding to the ramifications of the NEWS. Perhaps a cancer diagnosis touches the spouse''s issues of mortality so that it does not feel safe to stay intimately involved; the partner can no longer support an illusion of immortality. Or perhaps the spouse does not feel equipped emotionally, physically, or spiritually to survive an anticipated long and difficult course of cancer treatment and all the overwhelming demands such a journey places on the spouse.
Or, the patient will shift toward a quality of life focus, rather than quantity, and will make decisions about whether staying in the relationship is actually contributing to or hindering this way of living. This can lead to reconnecting with a current spouse in deeper and more satisfying ways or to a decision to end an unsatisfying or conflictual relationship. It becomes apparent that life is likely to be too short to not make a significant decision about the relationship, in one direction or the other.
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About the Book
The diagnosis of “cancer” is frightening enough for the patient. But the disease has a deep impact on the patient’s partner and the couple’s relationship as well. Life is not the same, and a new journey has begun. This book, drawing on the personal experience of the authors and many others, offers a compassionate guide for the journey. Those who find themselves on this most difficult road will learn how other couples have coped successfully. With the took kit offered on these pages, couples can do more than endure the ordeal; they can actually strengthen the bond between them. “From my past experience I know the value of support groups and the wisdom contained in Love is a Journey. The groups and book help us to inspire us to heal ourselves and our relationships.” n Bernie Siegel, M.D. Author of Love, Medicine & Miracles, and Prescriptions for Living “In my work with cancer patients, I have seen couples exhibit enormous courage, team work and stamina. With this exceptionally practical guide, Drs. Latona and Stricklin are increasing the odds that couples will navigate this difficult path successfully. I can’t wait to start recommending it to my patients.: n Daniel S. Dworkin, Ph.D., Co-author, Helping the Bereaved: Therapeutic Interventions for Children, Adolescents and Adults “A must reading for all couples facing cancer together, as well as for caregivers and professionals assisting these couples. In addition to identifying stages to assist couples in anticipating and normalizing the range of impacts when cancer becomes part of their lives, the authors provide real-life examples to help understand these stages.” n Douglas H. Lamb, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology, Illinois State University Grief and loss researcher and practitioner “I wish my husband and I could have read Love is a Journey during the acute treatment stages of my cancer – it validates and supports so much of what a couple goes through. But, it has also helped us to identify the long-range effect on our marriage now that the cancer is in remission. It’s never too late for couples to benefit from this book!” n Janet Lammens, cancer survivor “The focus of Love is a Journey is on nourishing the relationship that connects the partners. Gary and Jan understand with their minds and with their hearts and deliver their message with respectful authenticity.” n Candyce S. Russell, Ph.D., Vera Mowery McAninch Professor, Kansas State University
About the Author
Jan Latona, Ph.D., received her doctorate in counseling psychology in 1987 from the
Gary J. Stricklin, Ph.D., holds a doctorate in marriage and family therapy from
Jan and Gary, who live in