More Humorous Tales of Woe
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I remember when I was very young my parents raised rabbits, chickens, ducks and a few turkeys for our consumption, although I thought they were my pets. As they disappeared one by one, I was told they were given away, ran away or had died and my folks always replaced them with new pets I could play with. Of course, we had eaten all these pets, but my mom told me otherwise, knowing it would have upset me to know it was Fluffy, Clucky, Quack Quack, or Turk Turk on my dinner plate.
On my seventh birthday (oh boy, do I ever remember that day), sitting at the dinner table with my family, my dad decided I was now old enough to know the truth about the disappearance of my pets. He said, “Patrick, it’s time you knew about your pets. When we need them for food, we eat them, that is, except for your dog.” Thinking he might have voiced himself a bit strongly, he added, “When things die we eat them, whether we’re fond of them or not.” I’m sure he left out the killing of them part for my sake.
Looking down at my plate of food, teary-eyed, I began to study what we were eating. My mom, wanting to change the subject said, “Did we tell you your Uncle Joe died yesterday?”
Seeing the barbecued ribs on my plate, I began screaming. I ran from the table yelling, “Not Uncle Joe! I’m not eating poor Uncle Joe!” I ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. It took quite a while for my parents to calm me down and I’m not sure if I fully accepted their further explanation, but eventually I came out from my sanctuary. Upon doing so mom told me, “Some animals are meant to be eaten, but in no instance would we ever eat people.”
I guess I believed her, but I haven’t eaten Ribs since.
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About the Book
More Humorous Tales of Woe is a compilation of true short stories, which are light-hearted woeful experiences in the life of a poor fellow named Patrick. From his thrilling adventures to his unusual errors in judgment, you’ll soon realize Patrick has but one problem...he can’t win for losing. With a firm belief he can overcome life’s little obstacles through outlandish and absurd reasoning, Patrick pursues his quest to succeed in making it from one day to the next without suffering humiliation or injury. Unfortunately, he usually encounters both but maintains a lust for life and an ability to laugh at himself...or, as he puts it, “I laugh with myself to cheer up my ego.”
Anyone who likes to have a good laugh, especially at someone else’s expense, will enjoy and possibly relate to these humorous tales of woe. If nothing else, these stories offer the reader an opportunity to thank God for the blessing of not being in Patrick’s shoes, which he claims are soul-ful, but have been a pain in the butt to journey through life in.
About the Author
Patrick is a native of
Patrick remains optimistic about his disease and enjoys the little things in life, which are often overlooked and not appreciated for their significance and beauty. He holds that: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder—who has watchful eyes.” His hobbies are collecting antique guns, pocketknives, padlocks and clown dolls, which he feels are a reflection of his inner-self.