The Empty Lap

After a few minutes of walking around with her, Ed took some pictures of her and me together. Then we walked some more and I talked to her. I thanked her for all the wonderful years she had given me and I told her how much I loved her, and I hoped that she had understood me. I walked over to a pine tree so she could smell the bark, and I picked up some leaves and pine cones so she could smell them too. She was taking it all in, and I was cherishing each second that went by. We walked to a spot where the sun was shining through a pine tree, and I held her while the sun bathed her in its warmth.

We finally walked over to a picnic table where Ed had already been sitting. I set her down on top of the table where she could walk around, and she did so with such pride and dignity. Even now, it was her job to explore and smell everything. She walked over to Ed and rubbed her tired little head against him. I know it just felt so good for her to be outside again. I had lost track of all time, but I really didn’t care either. Right now, we were still together. As I watched her walk around, I thought back to when I first got her, and how wonderful it had been having her in my life.

As I looked up, I saw the Dr. walking toward us, and I held Puddy oh so close to me. I was about to lose something very precious to me. Very soon, she would be gone from me forever.  The vet sat down and talked with Ed for awhile, and as I turned my head, I could see the needle resting in his pocket. I had that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach again, making me wonder if I was doing the right thing. “Oh God”, I prayed silently, help me, please”. No, I wasn’t ready to let her go, not right now. Please, not now. In just a second, Ed had gathered Puddy up in her robe and was holding her and talking to her, and in that split second, the vet had given her the shot. When I realized what had just happened, I took her from Ed’s arms, and held her as her life ebbed away. I just stood there in the sunlight, holding my sweet Puddy.

I felt like I was moving in slow motion. In the second that it took me to draw a breath, her spirit left her body, and at that very moment she passed, her pure, wonderful spirit, her very essence, if you will, passed over my body, like a quiet wave over the sand. I felt myself falling backward, but I had no control over what was happening. But when I regained my footing, I realized what had just happened. I stood perfectly still for a moment, and then looked up. The one small ray of sunshine that shone through the tree was shining on me and Puddy, and I knew then that God had blessed me with a most precious gift ever. It was the gift of pure love from one friend to another. I can only describe what happened, as being drenched in a wave of complete love. I looked down at her sweet face and told her to go into the light.