SECRETS FROM THE FIELD

When we reached the shrine entrance, where there is also a large mosque, the evening prayer had just ended, and an extraordinary rush of men was pouring out.  Gol Jan had me sit in a dark corner until it had somewhat subsided, and then signaled to me to follow.  Once inside, he announced he had something to do, proceeded to hand me his shoes and told me to go straight to the shrine where he would catch up with me.  He went for his ablutions, warning me to walk behind other women at all times and not give the appearance of being alone.  I had a slight moment of panic as it was dark and there were so many people, and I thought I would remain alone.  I wrapped my veil tightly and advanced through the crowded lanes of beggars, scents, prayer beads, and antimony, attaching myself to other groups of women.  But the flow of bodies was strong and aggressive as they were all rushing back to the shrine after prayers.

All around me, from under their blankets, each man seemed to brush his hands along women’s body parts, sometimes grabbing what he could.  If I stood still for even a moment, they would come and lean against me.  I thought at first it was just me, but noticed with relief that every woman around me was being touched and felt in like manner.  Here was a context in which hundreds of men and women with no knowledge of each other were thrown together tightly, and suddenly all notions of reserve, shame and respect, so dominant within the home, vanished.   I wondered if that was the hidden appeal that this shrine holds for so many Pashtuns of the NWFP.  It was extremely uncomfortable, and there was no way to dodge or direct the forceful flow of men as I circled around the shrine.

I noticed a woman clinging to the grate that surrounds the tomb, praying, and she appeared to be left alone, so I went to stand by her, thinking if I looked like I was praying, maybe the men would leave me alone, too.  I was standing beside her, clinging to the grate and reciting the sensual sounds of the kalima, or Muslim prayer, when Gol Jan finally showed up and led me over to sit on the floor area just beyond the walkway circulating the tomb.  Here women and children can sit quietly outside the rush.  He showed me a group of women, and told me to sit there.   He then circled the shrine once and returned, motioning for me to follow him.  This time we circled the shrine from the outside along a dirt terrace, along which families or couples can stroll more quietly, or sit and cling to the grated windows which give onto the women’s area.  The calm was welcome.