Serve Forward

Introduction

Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was not a successful man; however, from all outward appearances, I could be considered successful. I had four beautiful children and a loving wife. I was a physician for a large Health Maintenance Organization in Southern California. I had received several promotions and held many administrative positions.  I was the president of the local chapter of the American Cancer Society.

Donna, my beautiful wife of twenty years, and I met in high school and dated for my entire senior year.  She was one year behind me and saw me go off to college.  We dated on and off during college and married when I found out that I had been accepted to medical school. After completing medical school, I spent seven years training to become an internal medicine and kidney specialist. When I finished my training in kidney disease, we took a job in California so we could be close to our families. Four children later, I was still working long hours taking care of patients and active in many community projects.  We had a good home, two cars, and a great family support system.  But I was not content.  I always wanted more.

I worked 80 hours a week, I was never home, and I was short tempered.  In other words, from a business or professional perspective, I guess you could have said that I was successful.  But my personal life was completely bankrupt. 

My relationship with my wife was deteriorating, and we almost started to see a family counselor.  My relationship with my two oldest daughters was in jeopardy, and they resented the fact that I was never home.  Because it was hard for me to relate to my wife and kids, I focused on work and did not think my family needed me.

After an acute illness secondary to extreme fatigue (mental and physical), I decided to change. I did not know who I was or what I stood for.  I went to church, sometimes, but slept through most of the Mass.  I never listened to the sermon and could not wait for services to finish.  I read little, outside medicine, did not pray, never even thought of keeping a diary, and had few friends.  I was overweight, short tempered, and selfish.

My work, the one area in my life in which I thought I was successful, was also taking a turn in the wrong direction. Promotions stopped coming my way, and I was actually asked to resign from a leadership position because my colleagues thought I was self-centered and ambitious.  They say fish find water last. I was a big fish sinking fast—unable or unwilling to see how my attitude and belief system were destroying my life and the lives of those around me.

Still not understanding my real purpose in life, I stumbled upon a book about how to become a successful leader.  I read the small book in a single day.  One of the chapters in the book caught me by surprise.  It just said, “Read these books.” There was no explanation, just a list of classics including Sun Tzu, Huckleberry Finn, The Sun Also Rises, the complete works of Shakespeare, and the Bible.  It took me over one year to read all of these books.  After completing this task, I did not know why the author had recommended them.  Then one day, I figured it out.  These books defined and offered examples of human nature. At that moment, my life changed, and a series of events occurred that led me to start a non-profit organization.  I learned that I was not in control.  Natural laws are in control. 

In this book, I will share with you the lessons that I learned from these books and the teachings of wise mentors I have had over the years.  I learned that it is in giving that we receive. I was not going to move forward in my life until I started to serve forward. Everyday we make choices about how we will get through the day and how we will live our lives. We can decide to serve or be served.  We can decide to stay at the same place we are in life from an emotional, physical and mental perspective or move forward to help us become better individuals. Moving on with our lives in a positive direction takes time and effort.  The investment in yourselves allows you to move forward in life’s journey.  I feel a vital requireme