“Do you believe in God, Paint?”

“I admit the idea of a God, Supernatural and Supreme Something became more convincing after the bottom fell out for the religions of the world. Once religion no longer expressed itself as a corporate entity and a platform for war I was more inclined to sign on the dotted line.”

“You are not always straightforward with your answers, Paint. You would have a hard time writing for me. I need people who can deliver the straight and narrow and you speak as though you have two left feet. With me, you have to cut to the chase.”

“Once upon a time I had this dream. It was one of those occasions I had been in between sleep and the wild ride of the semi-conscious state of being; less than out of body but my spirit had not really been attached to anything. There was this bowl of fruit on the table; the essential cornucopia, if you will. The pineapple was curiously silent as the banana made its move. The banana had pineapple on the brain, hard core, if you know what I mean. The banana stared the pineapple up, down and sideways and when it finally went in for the big thrill it was poked by the prick. The banana was not thinking clearly, it was matter over mind and as much as it tried and tried, its wounds from the pineapple bruised much of its pride. All the while, a bunch of rather determined grapes, red and wild, terrorized a lone grapefruit over its name. This conflict carried on for some time.

The fruit bowl was in quorum and a couple of peaches would motion and second a request for a tribunal. The grapefruit shrugged and the grapes cried foul insisting the fatter foe had simply crossed the vine. Their differences had reached a point of no return, there was no hope for reconciliation and justice must be served. There must be resolution and quickly before the mounting tensions result in devastating blows to the entire bowl. A judge must be selected and who do you suppose?”

“The apple, naturally,” Neils buzzes in his answer.

“From the tree of knowledge, symbol of consequence and justice. The apple would serve well,” Bottom concurs.

“One might suppose. But then the pineapple might have a legitimate complaint!” I continue.

“Arg!” Neils pulls from his mug.

“Damn it!” Bottom puffs.

“Exactly!” I continue. “So, the pineapple throws veto to the wind. Nothing is settled among the fruit. Banana still can’t get laid and blames it on the pineapple for being jaded. The grapes smother the grapefruit and remarkably out of the onion appears a starfruit.”

“You’re a God-damned star fruit, Paint.” Bottom orders another round before cutting me off abruptly and begins to deliver his own state of the onion.

“I think God was a writer with a difficult time publishing.” Bottom begins his story with a vicious grin and distant look upon his face. “God wasn’t bad at writing. The problem quite simply is that God had a bunch of work completed before anybody had been created to read the stuff. Then when finally there was an audience, there were language issues and cultural barriers to contend with that all had to be sorted. God was bored out of his mind, long on the drink and finally coming to grips with the concept eternity. Confused over the Jackson family, recycling and global warming all before the oceans, the trees and the sordid factories. In fact before any of this existed, God had been wrestling with some pretty tough demons. There was no deciphering between what was real and what was figment of the imagination. God was omniscient and yet constantly in doubt. God was omnipotent, yet could do nothing. Time is a ray extending indefinitely in either direction and at every point along the ray this is God. And then one day God took the big plunge. God sacrificed knowledge for the blessings of curiosity, speculation, and uncertainty. God sacrificed power for the challenge of the chore and that grin of satisfaction found when the whistle blows to announce the conclusion of an honest day’s work.

It is my belief God surrendered and the universe was created. God is quite simply the sum of all matter and energy in the universe. God is this beer that we drink. God is the gas expelled when I burp from drinking the beer that is God. God is this barstool, the candles on the wall, the flame, the heat, Spade’s bar towel that he uses incessantly to wipe the bar down even when it is perfectly dry and clean. God is all that is beauty and glory and at the same time God is putrid and abhorrent. God is omnipresent. God is Love. Therefore Love is omnipresent. And this is a very important point.

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