22 So Young Why Did He Die?

A letter written, November 10, 1986 in Nickey’s own words…This is a message to the world-19 days before he died. He died November 29,1986.

I’m 22 years old and I caught a fatal disease. And I’m scared. I’m out of work I’m going to miss everybody I don’t know how long I have to live. And I hope everybody forgives me for what I did years ago.

I straightened my life 3 ½ years ago and now it is shot.  I just have to live day by day.

My back is killing me, too. I had a piece of bone taken out of my back on Friday.  My eyes are bloodshot.

I was shocked when I heard I had this disease. I felt like killing myself in the hospital. I was shocked. I had someone watching outside the door so I couldn’t kill myself.

I love my mother and I hope she doesn’t drink too much and I want her to do good. I hope she’ll be alright when I’m gone.

I love my sister Barbara and I love Richie. And, I love Richie Jr. They have been my family for the past several years.

I worked and I have a lot of good friends and I thank them for everything they’ve done for me while I was out of work and in the hospital-the cards and visits-candy, cookies, soda.

I love Andrea and I thank her for everything.  I’m sorry I was so sick.

* * *

I used to drink and smoke and I quit then, I got sick. I started these two evils at a young age, about 12 years old.

My father was an alcoholic. He died at age 44 of cirrhosis of the liver.

I had a bad life coming from a bad home. I took to the streets at a young age. My security were my friends.

I quit school at age 13-finished grammar school and that’s the extent of my education.

I like to watch TV. I don’t read much-I guess cause I really don’t know how. I do pick up Newsday every now and then.

People call me “street-wise”. Nobody can pull anything over on me. I see right through them. After all, I grew up in lower Manhattan on the streets. I saw everything - everything from drugs, to robberies to murders. One day, my buddy and I were standing on a street corner and some guy came up to us, opened up his trench coat and blew my buddy away with a shotgun. I know people from all walks of life.

* * *

I’m a friendly person. I talk to people and I learn about them. At first, I can be shy but, once I know someone, I talk to them.

I used to be paranoid when I came to live on Long Island. I couldn’t believe the difference from the city to the Island. I walked to the deli in Wantagh, early in the evening and there were no people on the streets. It felt so strange. I’m used to people all over in the city at all times of day and night.

When I was a little boy, I wanted to grow up and be a garbage collector. At my job, I used to pick up garbage. I didn’t make much money but I did something I always wanted to do. It turned out, it really wasn’t for me- so, then I got a stock boy job.

In life, I could make something out of nothing. I could pick up a sewing machine, fix it and sell it and make a few bucks out of something that was thrown in the garbage.