SOLO

Whether you’re widowed, divorced, separated, or merely single by choice or necessity you will I hope find something useful in the following pages.  Even those who may find themselves married as they read this may discover something which will serve some purpose.  My approach to the subject does presuppose that “being with someone” (as in, “Yes, I was with him,” or her, as an admission of having copulated with someone) on a long-term basis amounts to much the same thing as being married. I have no interest, incidentally, in either the legal or moral aspects of carnal relationships.  “Fraternizing” (is there such a word as “sorocizing?”--both words sound like euphemisms for incest) with a female at your place or hers or elsewhere occasionally would not, obviously, constitute “living with” someone.

Perhaps it is not even too much to hope that here and there the odd female may benefit from certain advice to be found here.  After all, men merely are  people, as are women; a landlord little cares whether a rent cheque is signed by a male or a female, and everyone must eat (if not dine), and consistent with that must shop, or at least decide what must be shopped for.  And everyone who lives alone must give some consideration to other more or less mundane matters such as how or where to live, in the physical sense, and perhaps more important, how to live with one’s self.

The purpose of this small book then is mainly prudential, and prudence as we all should be aware is one of the four cardinal virtues.  The other virtues, if this book is to be at all helpful, should be exercised by the reader in order to derive its fullest benefits.  The importance of fortitude and temperance should become obvious as one goes on to subsequent chapters which deal with more specific aspects of the solitary life.  Justice must be seen to play a role not merely in our relations with other men and women, but one equally or possibly even more important with respect to our very selves. The consideration of these ancient but enduring principles will not be based upon religious belief(s)--though of course the individual reader may make the correlation if he wishes, since these tenets are compatible with all organized “legitimate” religions--but upon readily understood secular philosophy.

To have said this gives rise to the possibility of misleading the reader, who should be aware without further delay that this work is not an abstract treatment of the merely philosophical aspects of living alone.  Rather it is an attempt to present the very tangible, mundane facets of such aspects with attendant suggestions not merely for coping with one’s life--this would imply that bachelorhood (to use a tired word) is something which must be endured--but for enjoying productively and wholesomely in the best sense, that of soundness, living the life of a single human male.

These tangible facets of the single life begin with self knowledge, without which it is senseless to brood over the choices one must make in evolving a suitable lifestyle.  Having achieved, or being blessed with, an understanding of self one can go on to take his decisions. (Since this book is addressed to men it is unnecessary to use ungrammatical androgynous pronouns or to attempt the literary or grammatical convolutions needed to satisfy the black divinities of the female gender, to paraphrase Dickens.) Decisions must be made about such purely material choices as lodging, food, drink, friends, pets, and relations, both familial and interpersonal, to name a few. The parts of this book therefore consist of those material considerations of the solitary life, with the exception of the first chapter which, in consonance with what already has been mentioned, discusses the fundamental prerequisites of bachelorhood, viz., knowing yourself, and if not able to be your own best friend, at least being able to live with yourself. This introductory chapter postulates also that while most of us have difficulty seeing it that way, life, rather than the tragedy many people make it out to be, is under all else, largely comic.  The human comedy often is black and bitter, but if one reflects honestly the conclusion seems inescapable: it still is comedy.

Finally, I can only suggest  that with these few comments in mind the reader understand that what will be suggested to him is merely advice; as the title of this small work declares, it is a guide and nothing more.  Nonetheless I hope that it may prove entertaining as well as useful.

A.G.