I'm Right...You Need to Change
Five paths to create synergy with your life partner
by
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Chapter 1
I’m Right … You Need to Change … and More
I’m Right … You Need to Change
How often do you have this thought? How often do you make this statement to your partner? How often do you want to say it to your partner? “I’m right … you need to change” must be the most recurring thought in every partner’s mind.
Why is that? Being in a meaningful relationship is not easy. Here you are, two individuals with different personalities, backgrounds and experiences attempting to create an intimate and nurturing relationship. You don’t fully understand each other. You don’t see eye to eye. Clearly, one of you must be right. Both of you can’t be right! Right?
In that case YOU must be right. After all, what you think makes so much sense. You feel strongly about your opinions. They must be the “right” opinions. If only your partner would listen. Right?
Wrong! Being righteous like this about your opinions, thoughts, beliefs or judgments is the greatest impediment to creating the relationship that you want. In fact, it is the surest way to sabotage your relationship. When you judge your partner as being “wrong” and truly believe that you are “right,” you create separation. Your belief about yourself generates an equivalent belief in your partner – that he or she is right. Both of you lock into your positions and engage in a battle to the finish. Each partner holds judgments about the other’s position and strives to find evidence that he or she is “right.”
To create the relationship that you want, you must surrender your belief that you are right. Be prepared, letting go of that belief will raise a host of objections in your mind. All the reasons to prove that you indeed ARE right will show up. Fight back, for letting go of this belief is the essential first step toward successfully transforming your relationship.
Are You Ready to Change?
Take a look at your beliefs about yourself and about your partner. Do you often have the thought that you are right and your partner is wrong? Are you willing to let go of that belief and open up to different ideas and opinions, to creative solutions and new perspectives? If that is the case, you are ready to work at transforming your relationship with your partner.
Just as rigidity engenders rigidity, flexibility engenders flexibility and openness engenders openness. As a result, when you let go of your belief that you are right, you are creating the space for your partner to do the same. What a great way to start transforming your relationship together.
Four additional conditions must exist in order to transform your relationship. These four key elements will ensure that all your efforts at transforming your relationship are fruitful. Without these conditions in place, no change is possible.
Condition #1: Believe in what you want to create! Do you harbor thoughts such as, “She’ll never change,” “He doesn’t understand me” or “What’s the use of trying, nothing ever changes”? If you nurture such thoughts and believe they are true, you are sabotaging any chance that you may have at creating the relationship you want with your partner.
You need to believe that you can transform your relationship; that you can create the experience you want in your relationship. What you see in your mind, you create in your life! In every moment and with every thought you have about your relationship, you are creating your relationship. So when you project negative beliefs about your relationship into the future, you are creating your relationship in the image of those beliefs.
Let go of your negative beliefs and learn to develop positive ones. Instead of thinking “What’s the use of trying, nothing ever changes,” think “We haven’t yet found the way, I know that we will and I’m committed to doing what it takes.” Instead of thinking “She’ll never change,” think “We’re both working on ourselves and we’ll find a solution.” As you work to replace negative beliefs with positive beliefs about your relationship, you will notice how joy replaces fear or sadness!!!
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About the Book
“I’m Right … You Need to Change”
How often do you have this thought? How often do you say this to your partner? If that’s the case, this book is for you.
Discover why you and your partner have the same disagreements time and time again. The answers are in core issues unresolved within you.
There are at least 70 areas in an intimate relationship… 70 opportunities for creating separation or synergy with your partner. This book deals with each one of those areas.
This book is not theoretical. It is the fruit of 20 years of personal and professional work. Through their commitment to doing their own personal healing, Danyelle and Ron increased their level of intimacy, their ability to deal with day-to-day issues and their experience of joy and of love.
Danyelle and Ron guide couples through a transformational journey that leads them to greater intimacy. This book is designed as an easy-to-follow guide to increase the synergy that already exists in your relationship and heal those areas that are creating separation.
“I’m right…You Need to Change” has that rare balance between heart and cognition, story and tools. It is a practical guide to all that can make a relationship work.”
Gregory Barrette, Senior Minister, Unity church of Overland Park
About the Author
Ron and Danyelle Jones are transformational coaches. They coach couples and individuals to increase the quality of their lives and relationships. Danyelle has designed a unique and practical healing approach based entirely on their personal experience.
Ron is a PGA teacher who empowered his students by stressing the importance of taking charge of their experience of golf…as a metaphor for life. He initiated personal transformation groups in
Danyelle has over 20 years experience as a consultant with individuals and organizations. She designed and implemented numerous programs in the areas of coaching, personal growth and communication. She founded and operated her own private consulting firm for 12 years. She is the author of numerous workbooks.