Heart in a Bottle

Sadie parked and sat for a moment. Oh God, she whispered, help me hold my peace.” When she walked in the restaurant, the waiter escorted her to a table where Jerry was already seated. Being the gentleman he was, he rose from his chair while she sat. It was unusual for him not to greet her with a kiss, but the expression on her face told him she was not in the mood for niceties tonight. Her stomach was all shaky and she felt like vomiting. If would have been more pleasurable just to slap the hell out of him and leave. Jerry spoke with caution even when he ordered their drinks. Sadie was not the sweet, charming lady he was used to seeing. Her face was grim, and her eyes were cold.

“You look pretty,” Jerry said carefully.

“Liar,” Sadie said stiffly. Are we here to talk, or compliment each other?”

Jerry let out a gusty sigh.  “I want to talk about last night.” He replied.

The mood from the morning still existed; she was tired and was not going to be intimidated by his smooth tactics. Trying to calm her he reached over and caressed her hand. “I know you are angry at me, and I know it was wrong to walk out on you like that last night, but I still think you are moving too fast, honey wait until the girls are a little older.” Sadie narrowed her eyes, jerked her hand away from his and balled her fist. “Wait? Wait?” she asked with her teeth clenched. Jenny is almost eleven and Kristy is six. What in the hell am I to do wait until they are married with children?

Jerry blew a gusty sigh. I just thought…

“No more damn waiting you selfish bastard!  Sadie interrupted angrily.

 “Calm down Sadie.” Jerry urged quietly. The waiter came over to take their food order, but Jerry told him they weren’t ready.  Sadie waited until the waiter left and she continued in a lowered voice. “When you married me you knew I had dreams and goals, why won’t you support me? She asked tearfully. I am not a woman to sit and bury myself in daily chores and soap operas while the world pass me by.  I married you because I loved you, and out of this union I bore two beautiful children.  Jerry took a big gulp of his drink and shifted his body nervously. I have supported you in every decision you made, and in everything you wanted to do. I even put up with you whoring around on me. Jerry winced and rolled his eyes up. “Oh!” she waved her hands. I could have put my hands on you and her the night I followed you. I know you have a mistress. And let’s not forget the drinking. Are you unhappy? Or maybe your damn conscious is haunting you for what you are doing to this family. Can you tell me?” Sadie was on a roll, she emptied all the hurt and anger that was stored up. Jerry had never seen her that angry, especially in public. He shook his head and brushed a hand across his face. “I thought we came here to talk, he said quietly, but you have not given me a chance to explain or answer.

“No! Sadie snapped. I have given you so many chances and let you have you way, and your say. And now you want to talk? I don’t know what your intentions are for not supporting me in going back to college, and right now I don’t give a damn.”

Jerry frowned and looked away.  But I do know this, she pointed, I’m going back to college. I made my Daddy that promise on his deathbed. I have broken promises to people who really loved me, but not this time.”  She finished her drink, stood up and grabbed her purse. “You know Jerry, the sad part is, I still love you, and Jenny and Kristy adore you. But you don’t want it.  I’m not hungry”

She left him sitting there, rubbing his head feeling embarrassed. He waved for the waiter, and ordered another drink. Jerry sat at the table looking like the cat that ate the canary. Sadie had left him with a lot to think about and he had no idea that sophisticated Sadie would walk out of a restaurant and leave him. He didn’t know the damage he had done to their marriage, until then.

An hour later he went home and was trying his best to reason with her. She rejected him and told him her mind was made up. 

Jerry always got his way, even as a child. His parents and grandparents spoiled him. He was stubborn, and he wanted everything his way.

It wasn’t easy for Sadie to hold her ground, and it wasn’t like her to allow such negative things to creep in her spirit - but this time she had to be strong.

Sadie had given Jerry too many chances and wasn’t about to let him stand in her way of fulfilling her dreams any longer. So many times it took a lot of will power not to fall asleep at night in those big arms of his, open her eyes the next morning, and see it was all a bad dream

After that night, things didn’t get any better; Jerry continued to stay out late, sometimes coming home just in time to shower for work.

Sadie made up her mind not to chase the wind anymore. She was at her wit’s end. There were a lot of tears, but he didn’t see them. Praying had become part of her daily routine - not for her marriage, but for strength to face what was about to happen.

Remembering her father words about the four seasons of life... this too, was Sadie’s winter.

In spite of the chaos in her life, she could always find special moments to be alone, if it was just to watch a beautiful sunset, or a moonlit night.

While she was making a cup of tea one morning, there stood on the windowsill a pretty blue jay pecking on the window, she placed her hand against the windowpane, smiled and said, “Spring is coming.”

Jerry came home early one Friday evening. He walked in the den and made him a drink. Sadie could always tell when something heavy was on his mind. He sat down beside her on the couch. “I’m being transferred to Ramstein Air Force Base in Germany for a year, he said. Maybe this is what we need to get things right again. It will be good for all of us.

She turned around and