Pathways to Lasting Self-Esteem

Many of us are perplexed by the continuing struggle to raise self-esteem.  We find it difficult to improve it even when motivated to do so.  We’ve tried one way to change after another only to find effectiveness fade or enthusiasm wane.  Emotional pain leads us to yearn for change, but change creates a confusion we fear.  Our life experience has been a repeated avoidance of the daily stressful events we need to face.  Instead, we have buried our energy in addiction and other harmful or self-defeating habits.  A more durable and positive self-esteem seems just out of reach for want of knowing how to pursue it. 

Pathways to Lasting Self-Esteem is designed to make an enduring impact.  If you are like millions of others, you have tried, but not succeeded in gaining that needed breakthrough.  This book is a response to that desire.  The book distinguishes between the deeper work that must be done to raise global self-esteem from the more superficial manipulations commonly ineffective in making a lasting impact.  Pathways to Lasting Self-Esteem acknowledges the tenacity of low self-esteem yet affirms that much can be done to raise it.  It clarifies the nature of self-esteem and the ways to make something positive and lasting happen.  The book offers hope to counter despair and safe options to offset fears. 

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Improve Self-Care

If I am not for myself, who will be for me? 

If I am only for myself, what am I?  And if

not now, when? – Hillel

Self-care options include a variety of life style habits and ways of thinking.  The following options can relieve stress in the short run and raise self-esteem if practiced diligently.  However, some people will find the sheer number of them overwhelming.  Keep in mind that we incorporate these skills and attitudes over time.  So, arrange for your first steps to have some obvious benefit, but at the smallest cost.  Other important self-care practices are mentioned here only in passing:  getting regular medical and dental examinations; avoiding risky and life-threatening activities; practicing safe sex; and maintaining a safe physical environment.

Because this chapter is about adopting specific actions, we begin with the following outline.

The Goal – Develop a self-caring lifestyle. 

Prerequisite – Success in containing addictions and habituations. 

Immediate Problems – Making changes in substance abusing actions and destructive habits is quite similar.  In both cases, choosing containment produces ambivalence.  Also stress, unfamiliar challenges, and unaccustomed opportunities arouse forgotten feelings.  The resulting confusion is unsettling, prompting strong desires to return to our old behavior.  Consequently, many people experience several lapses before making a continuing commitment.

Tasks – Rely on group support, self-care, distraction, and other new activities.  Seven techniques are discussed in this chapter.  Our program now directs us to concentrate on these tasks to support the emergence of our inner strength. 

Self-soothing – By diverting the physical and emotional arousal that attends stress, we create a sense of calm and safety.

Exercise – Exercise for increased capacity, strength, and flexibility raises cardio-vascular capacity, reduces stress and depression, and burns excess calories for weight control.  Recent research shows minimal exercise is better than none.

Maintain a healthy diet – A wide variety of unprocessed, low-fat foods provides the nutrients for healthy living and reduces the risks of physical illness, stress, and mood changes.

Maintain a healthy weight – Combining exercise and diet options allow us to approach our ideal body weight.

Relaxation – Relaxation techniques have an immediate and long-range impact on stress and the quality of life.