fallen . . . to worship

“Denouncing the whisperings of the enemy”

What do I do now, how do I pick up from this place to which I have now fallen.  I would usually be able to pull myself together; I was always at a place of peace that I could find my way back. (Psalm 91) he that stays under the pavilion could be saved from the buzzards that constantly looked on the saints of God as prey.  “Because I was not in a place of leadership and had not only hurt the lord but hurt those that were looking up to me, peace was a hard place to step into.  I had a spirit of restlessness; I had not yet truly forgiven my self.  My utter desire to be loved had over crowded my desire to be with the lord, why because I was looking at the flesh.  I heard my self praying and asking for forgiveness but my heart was forever reaching out to be loved in the flesh.  I had gone through many times in the past like I mentioned but I had been able to brush myself off and get back up again.  Oh why! Why was it so very hard this time around?  The spirit of the lord pointed out to me that I had put all of my trust and faith into an entity of which could not deliver me.

And when the life and plans for marriage that we spoke of did not pan out, I no longer had the foundation of which I placed all my hope.  We are not to put our faith in sand that will sink sooner or later, and I was reminded of this the hard way.  The foundation had moved and you know as much as I that it is not a foundation if it is not rooted in the true foundation.  Christ is the solid rock on which we, as children of the lord should stand.  (Psalm 62) tells me that the lord is my salvation and in him only should we put our trust.  I remember during this waiting period I had gone out to dinner with the children after a football game and the devil asked me if he could talk with me briefly.  I proceeded outside of the restaurant and the enemy said unto me in a very arrogant tone, “How long are you going to have this attitude with me?  Yes, the enemy at this point had no need to think that things had changed.  After all I had been serving him, in a routine that was pleasing too him.  And he simply wanted things back to the way they use to be.  The only concern of the enemy after a year and a half of lies and the lord bringing about a change was that he would again be allowed to keep me in sin.  The devil wanted everything to be back to the place of “bondage”, you know church as usual.  “Hello somebody”!  How normal if the life I was living can be categorized as such, normal. 

The scriptures tell us that we would begin to call those things that are lies truth, and vise versa.  The enemy had some how convinced me that what I was doing and or had been doing was right in the eyes of God.  And because the children and I were back in this individual’s life they too had become victims of this lie as well.  As I sat here writing this ordeal I began to think on Judas of Iscariot, how he sold Christ unto the government for thirty lousy pieces of silver.  My God!  To be used of the enemy for chump change.  To be used in a mediocre way to bring glory to God!  All I can think of is I was sown up the river to glorify the name of the lord.  But how, how could God be glorified through this ordeal, when dung was all around me I thought. 

“Write I heard the voice of the lord say, write.  So I began to script this, what seemed like unbearable ordeal so that someone would be loosed from the years of bondage that the enemy had been plaguing him or her with?  I have realized that through these most difficult times in my life that the lord has been bringing double for my shame (Isaiah 60) because of the sin and humiliation double, because of the ashes of mourning double.  Double just for being used of God.  You see there are many men and women of God as well as preachers who are living double lives but because of their unwillingness to be delivered, they are caught in darkness.  Imagine!  To do all of this work for the lord and still end up going to hell and hear the lord say depart from me ye workers of iniquity.  Just to save face, or too keep the title that they now hold in the church.  Not realizing or shall I say forgetting because it was the lord that ordained them that no man could remove them from office.  Don’t the people of God want to walk in the true liberty of God?  It is for your anointing; it is the anointing that destroys the bondage. (Matthew 11:29-30)