EVER SINCE EVE

    It was a damp and dreary December morning when Leo and Jett met for breakfast at Conchita’s Café.  “Pass-ah-lay to Kon-chee-tas,” Jett said, swinging his arm in front of Leo like a bullfighter swinging his cape.  “An-de-lay, meh-teh-tay,” he insisted
    Even though a strong breeze was blowing in from the south and light drizzle crystallized his short fuzzy hair, Leo stood firm like an unyielding cannon ball.  “No, metete tu,” he said, rotating his heavy torso and nudging Jett on the elbow,  “Andale, metete tu first
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    The people here were warm and friendly as was the South Texas weather, but what he found peculiar was that he often had to remind himself that he was not in Mexico.  “Is this town called Brownsville because of all the brown-skinned people living here?” Jett asked.
    “Don’t be an idiot,” Leo grumbled, and then added with a disapproving scowl,
 “Are you working undercover today or what?”
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    “Italo is a very good friend of ours, but some folks think he’s a bit…um…how should I say…..odd?
    “ODD?” Jett gasped.
    “Yeah, you know, like in weird.  First of all, he likes to fool around with snakes, even venomous snakes, and he also hates border patrolmen.  It puzzles me that Jimmy would invite both of you on the same quail hunt.”
    
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    “These water snakes can inflict nasty scratches with their larger than normal rows of teeth.“
    “Larger than normal rows of teeth?  What does that mean, that they got the wrong size teeth at their local orthodontist?”
    “Terrestrial snakes are equipped with normal size teeth because they prey on animals that are not slippery --like rats and mice.  Water snakes feed primarily on slippery things---like salamanders, frogs, and fish.  Mother Nature wisely equipped these serpents with larger than normal size teeth to facilitate their catching ability.  Got that pendejo?”
    “Hey watch it, cow-bron,” Jett shot back, “I know what pain-day-hoe means.”
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    The speckled serpent stiffened straight up like a fishing rod, and a stream of blood streaked down its belly.  It trembled feverishly like a bad case of palsy, while at the same time swaying back and forth like an inverted pendulum.  Within seconds the King succumbed to the ground mortally wounded, thrashing among the dry leaves like an unrestrained water hose.  The mangled head, which looked like a squashed strawberry, remained motionless, as if it had been nailed to the ground.
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    Ruth weaseled up to Jett and patted him on the back, “Care for more coffee sweetie?” she said.  “How about a slice of pecan pie with ice cream melting on top.”
    Jett squeamishly looked at Ruth and croaked like a frog, “Is it true that what I just ate was a mixture of cow’s tongue, brain, and eyes?”
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    Jett foolishly fired without aiming and then inexplicably flung his shotgun to the ground.  He clawed deeply into his right thigh with both hands as if wanting to strangle it.  His face, which was grimacing with pain, suddenly turned ghastly.     He raised his hands above his head and jumped backwards about five feet, landing on a pile of dry twigs that were crumbling and crackling underneath his weight .  In front of him was a monstrous diamondback rattlesnake brandishing its horny ringed rattle.