Dear Bossy-Type Person

Always a sore point, it is my opinion that personal work is something to be done by the person who has volunteered to do it, rather than by me – or in the alternative, my name should appear on the thank-you certificate.  Alas, he did not see it that way.  Like most of my opinions, he preferred to ignore it (unless, of course, one of his partners came up with the same idea or opinion, in which case it was a tremendous and ingenious thought).

            ON DOING SOME OF THE MANY

            “PERSONAL” MATTERS NOT IN THE JOB DESCRIPTION,

            BUT NEVERTHELESS EXPECTED

1.         (My reaction to his excuse for asking)

A.        “Dear Assistant: These are my personal letters, and I don’t have the time to bang them out, or otherwise I would”.

B.         Jack the Ripper was a mad, demonic killer.

ONE of the above two statements is true!!!!!!

2.         (Turning the tables on personal stuff)

To: Bossy-Type Person

Address:

City, State and Zip

RE:       Volunteerism

Dear Bossy-type Person:

Because making your Ski Patrol pennant took 7 hours out of my personal home time, it is my pleasure to inform you that I have just volunteered to test a new shark resistant diving suit.  I have, of course, given your name as the one who will actually test it.  It should take no more than 5 hours of your time - possibly a great deal less!

Very truly yours,

______________________

Former Assistant to Shark-Bait Boss

(Personal “stuff” continued)

3.

Oh, Bossy-type Person, because I worked 24 hours non-stop, I now have some free time and I have not gone to the bathroom, and I have not had lunch or dinner, and I just want to use that free time doing Ministry with Community stuff for which you volunteered, and if it takes another 80 hours, boss, that is fine with me - I love it!!!!

Slick Willie

Although all of us support staff-type persons try earnestly to smile even under the worst of conditions, every now and then we come in grouchy!

WHEN HAVING ONE OF THOSE “RARE” GROUCHY DAYS

Let me just take one little minute out of your busy day to advise you of the following:

1.         First thing this morning, I went downstairs at home to start up a load of wash, grabbed for the detergent and rammed two of my fingers on the wooden shelf, leaving a splinter under one nail and demolishing two others, while dancing around the basement in a semi-fetal position yelling ‘Oh hecky-darn’ to the tune of a Russian Dirge.

2.         Then I came in here at 8:00 a.m., turned on my computer and got - not just a slight shock to freeze the workings of the computer - but a dinosaur-size shock that curled the ends of my hair (something I have been trying to accomplish for years) and set my teeth on edge.

3.         Then I stamped the mail - missed and stamped my left hand with “Received         4/5/97", when anyone can tell I have had that hand a lot longer than that.

4.         Then you tell me that for my own good so that I don’t get bored I should clean out the store room while you are on vacation, even though nothing in there is yours or mine,   and it will probably take a bulldozer to tackle it.

5.         Then you say that my favorite princess person, who shall remain nameless but is my cross to bear, is inept, and therefore should be paid more than anyone else, proving to me that my mother truly did hate me by filling me with untrue values of “Work hard, dear, and everything will be all right.”

Just in case you are wondering why my lower lip is hanging on the floor at this very          moment. 

Thank you for your time and consideration (and lunch).  Hope your day was better.

Sometimes when we make mistakes we can blame it on “computer glitches” - sometimes it really is the computer’s fault, but not as much as we use it for an excuse!

ON COMPUTER CODE GLITCHES

1.

“DEAR Bill:

I ALWAYS PUT THE MALE NAME IN CAPITAL LETTERS WHEN I THINK HE IS A HUNK!!!!   GOSH, LOOK HOW YOUR NAME CAME OUT - MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY COMPUTER!!!”

2.

OK, young man (well not so young anymore) - When you tick me off enough I get my hackles up and figure things out.  NOT ONLY HAVE I LEARNED HOW TO SAVE THINGS IN SHARED DOCUMENTS IN THE COMPUTER ON A “READ ONLY” BASIS, BUT I HAVE PLACED EVERYTHING ON YOUR COMPUTER, TOGETHER WITH YOUR BANK ACCOUNTS, STOCK PORTFOLIOS, SUPPLY OF CRACKERS AND CHEESE, AND YOUR DOG - IN MY NAME.