SEDUCTION FOR LOVE

Chapter Two

The Process of Falling in Love

Because our goal of seduction is to make your targeted person, the one you fall in love with, to fall in love with you, we first need to understand how individuals fall in love. To better understand how people fall in love, I would like to ask you to think about your first love experience (if you have experienced one already). The first love experience is the most natural and uncontaminated love experience. After the first love experience, people generally have tried to use their cognition to interfere with their natural process of falling in love. The experiences after the first one, therefore, are less natural, more complex, and psychologically contaminated. If you observe a first love experience, the natural process of falling in love is plain to see.

In a broad sense, everyone is self-centered by nature. Our mind gathers information based on our sensors. Our sensors sense stimuli that are most relevant to us. Our feelings, thoughts, and actions are all based on the interpretation of the information we gathered. The feelings are what “I” feel. The thoughts are what “I” think. The actions are what “I” want to do. In our everyday lives, everything is about “I” or “me”. I have friends because “I feel” that I like them. I avoid certain people because “I feel” that I do not like them. I eat because “I feel” hungry. I sleep because “I feel” tired. I argue with you because “I think” I am right. Our mind is consistently and primarily focused on “I” or “me”.  “I” or “me” is where our attention primarily focuses on.

Most people are able to give some of their attention to other people to understand what other people feel. When that happens, those behaviors are praised as caring and loving.  However, there are individuals who seem unable to ever divert their attention from themselves to other people. Those individuals are generally described as egocentric, narcissistic, and uncaring. People naturally avoid being around those individuals because of their inability to care or to love.

When people start to fall in love, their attention gradually switches from themselves to their lovers. Their focus is not only on themselves any more. As they are falling deeper in love, people give more and more attention to their lovers. They pay more and more attention to what the other one is doing or is feeling. When people are absolutely in love, their focus is only on their lovers. They do not care about themselves any more. They only care about the other one. They have lost themselves and they are lover-centered. They feel that they are just their lovers’ followers or satellites.

Some people argue that the totally lover-centered state is not a state of love. They argue that it is rather an infatuation. Some “mature” people try to disregard infatuation and remove it from the category of love. Believe it or not, it is an extreme state of love and it is also the most enjoyable state of love, in which “I” has lost its own entity and follows another entity completely. It is, fundamentally, similar to extreme religious feelings, in which people completely give themselves to God and totally believe that God is giving the best lives to them. It is more enjoyable than using psychotropic drugs, in which people only follow the flow of their feelings.

The only reason why some “mature” people disregard that state as love is simply because in that state they find that they have lost control over themselves, have behaved irrationally, have endangered themselves of being misled, and most importantly have been deeply hurt when their lovers left them. All in all, they are scared. After a failed love experience, people either disbelieve in “love” completely or redefine “love” to exclude the real thing. After all, locating our attention primarily on ourselves is a precondition for our self-protection and our survival. Switching our attention onto someone else makes us vulnerable. When objectively observed by a third party, however, the period of time when people are in the state of “infatuation” is probably the happiest period of time in their lives.

The process of falling in love is actually the process of switching our focus and attention from ourselves to another person. Our minds change from a self-centered state to a lover-centered state. In situations when love is reciprocal, both lovers take care of each other, put the other one ahead of themselves, and enjoy the presence of the other person. Gradually, it develops into a state that the center is neither one of them. Rather, the center is both of them. A new entity is formed by melting both individuals together. The focus, attention, and concern are the whole of the both rather than each individual. The new melted entity is more important than either one of them. “Team” is the word people often use to define a healthy relationship, in which both lovers have become one unit. This new unit’s life then becomes the most primary. Sometimes, people have no feeling of one’s own life at all. Rather, they only feel the feeling of that one unit’s life.

When you fall in love with her, you lose your sense of yourself. You primarily focus on her. To make her fall in love with you, first you need to make her switch her primary attention from focusing on herself to focusing on you. Gradually, you need to make her lose her sense of herself and locate her primary attention on you. Then, willingly and happily, both of you work together and form a new entity that both of you will focus on.

Before proceeding onto how to make that switch of attention occur, the next two chapters are designed to help you psychologically prepare yourself before starting your seduction process.