New Rules to Live By
Parenting One Day at a Time
by
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Old Rule: No matter what
you do you will end up parenting just like your parents.
We have all heard this bit of
folk wisdom. It says to parents, “You may have ideas about what you want to do
differently, but you'll end up parenting just like you were parented. It is
inevitable, you cannot change it.”
It is true that we learned how to
parent from our parents. We may find that when we are tired or stressed our
parents’ words come from our mouths and we behave with our children much like
our own parents did with us. However, we are not locked into any style of
parenting. We can change the way in which we rear our children.
Most of us learned beneficial
things from our parents that we will want to give to our children. At the same
time, there are things that we will not want to pass on, those things that were
painful to us or that simply are not workable in the situations that families
deal with today.
Changing the way we have learned
to parent to the way we would like to parent is hard work. It takes conscious
effort to do it differently. Many of us want to rear our children differently
from the way we were reared, but we do not have a clear idea of what we would
like to do or how to implement those changes. We want to be loving, nurturing
parents who rear responsible, self-confident, and caring children who are able
to use their talents to the fullest, but we are not sure how to do this on a
day-to-day basis.
It is my hope that this book will
help you become aware of the rules that are operating in the life of your
family and propose to you ways to change these rules and begin to parent differently. A word of warning, you will not do this
perfectly. Sometimes when you most want to be a different kind of parent, to
respond differently to your children, you may find that you have reverted back
to the old rules. Forgive yourself and keep trying. Just as there are no
perfect children, there are no perfect parents. It is unlikely that you have
done irreparable harm to your children or your relationship with them. Hang in
there! It is our overall loving intentions and willingness to learn new ways of
handling problems that make the difference in our parenting. You can do it!
New Rule: I am not locked into
parenting as I was parented. With conscious effort, I can be the parent that my
children need. I can be the parent I want to be.
Old Rule: I don't want to
spoil my baby by picking it up every time it cries.
During a recent conversation with
a first time mother about her beautiful new baby, she asked, with obvious
concern, if I thought she would "spoil" her baby by picking her up
every time she cried. Of all the things new parents might worry about, this
should be the last one!
Our instincts tell us that when
an infant cries there is a reason and we need to attend to the discomfort, even
if the discomfort is the need to be close to us. The only way babies have to
communicate their needs to us is by crying. Likewise, we respond to their cries
knowing they are totally dependent upon us. Interaction with parents is a
child's first experience with other human beings. Babies who experience their
needs being met in a timely and consistent manner learn to trust others. They
learn that the world is a dependable, safe, and nurturing place. They learn
about being loved and are laying the psychological groundwork for learning to
love others. Of course, they do not have the verbal skills to express these
feelings, but those who study child development have, for some time, placed an
emphasis on the importance of meeting infants’ needs for touch and closeness as
well as for food and bodily comfort in a consistent manner.
As for this "spoiling"
business, while it is possible to over-indulge an older child by giving into
their tearful demands, it is virtually impossible to "spoil" a crying
infant by picking them up.
If you have a new baby, relax and
enjoy this time. Pick them up and cuddle them. Enjoy your baby! This time will
go by all too quickly. Pay attention to and respect your instincts. They are
frequently correct. Learn to use them throughout your life as a parent.
New Rule: I respond when my baby
needs my attention. I follow my instincts to pick up, cuddle, and hold my
children.
Formats
Book Details
About the Book
New Rules to Live By: Parenting
One Day at a Time is a daily reading book designed to assist parents in rearing
children from infancy through adolescence.
Each reading presents a possible
“old rule,” a discussion, and a “new rule” for parents’ consideration. The writer addresses such topics as
disciplining children at different stages of development, building self-esteem,
helping children through divorce and remarriage, and dealing with potentially
harmful cultural influences.
The author, Gay Moore, is a nurse,
counselor, and educator, as well as a wife and mother of two grown sons. She seeks to help parents deal with
significant family issues while maintaining a sense of humor and above all
enjoying the precious years they have with their children.
About the Author
Gay Moore M.Ed., RNC has enjoyed
a varied career as a nurse, counselor, and educator. She is certified in adult mental health
nursing and is a licenses drug and alcohol abuse counselor. Currently an assistant professor in the
behavioral and social sciences division of a community college, she teaches
marriage and family, social problems, and substance abuse counseling courses.
A frequent speaker at civic
organizations and churches on such topics as parenting, enriching the couple
relationship, and resolving family conflicts, she has authored several articles
on mental health and spiritual issues. New
Rues To Live By is her first book.
Gay is also a wife and the mother
of two grown sons.