I Can't See the Azaleas

Many citizens will never face the prospect of viewing the body of a victim of violent crime. Police officers encounter such sights often. In my ten years as a police officer, I have learned to endure these moments, but I am not immune to the pain and damage such acts inflict on the victims as well as their loved ones and the communities in which they occur.

Violent crimes against women and their children are particularly troubling since the victims are typically innocent of having instigated the attack. I’ve often wondered if some of the deaths of women and children could have been prevented. I’ve often thought to myself, if only she could have done this or if she had known that, maybe she would be here still.

I think this especially when family members show up at a crime scene where a loved one has been murdered. Children and husbands scream out inconsolably for their loved one, and they cannot be appeased because death is final. Death is irreversible. A mom, daughter, or sister is not coming back. Their loved one no longer lives. Their shared plans and dreams are just
that – dreams.

Violence against women includes threatening or actual use of physical, psychological, or sexual abuse. The most common referenced behaviors include homicide, domestic violence, partner abuse, psychological abuse, same sex violence, women battering, date violence, spousal abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, courtship violence, date rape, acquaintance rape, and marital and stranger rape. Growing up in a cycle of violence and abuse with a distorted concept of manhood are root causes of violence. Statistics vary because reporting procedures vary from state to state. Violence against women can begin early as child abuse, and while some women are never directly abused, others encounter multiple forms of abuse. Some additional root causes of violence include, but are not limited to:

            • Poverty and unemployment

            • Hopelessness and despair

            • Alcohol and substance abuse

            • Underemployment and economic disequilibrium

            • Circumstances of racism and injustice

Women whose lifestyles don’t reflect these characteristics are nevertheless likely to become victims of violence and should not take these issues lightly.

Though the most common form of abuse against elderly women is maltreatment, instances of physical abuse, exploitation, emotional abuse, and sexual abuse are increasing. The most common victims of elder abuse are women with chronic illness or disability. In most cases the perpetrator is an adult child, other family member, or spouse. This fact can lull elderly women into thinking that strangers can be trusted, especially if they are polite or polished. Don’t let your defenses down for anything or anyone. It’s not worth the risk.

Women with a history of sexual abuse are also at increased risk for unintended pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, and adverse pregnancy outcomes. Yet, victims of violence who seek care from health professionals often do not have providers who recognize, ask about, or know how to address these needs. Providers can reassure women that violence is unacceptable. No woman deserves to be beaten, sexually abused, or made to suffer emotionally. Health professionals should also give empathy and support by providing medical treatments, offering counseling, documenting injuries, and referring their clients to legal assistance and support services.

If you think that violence against women ends with the violent act, you are wrong. Children who grow up in homes where they observe violence are four times more likely than others to be violent when they grow up. The cycle of violence perpetuates itself. In order for us to get along well in this world, we must keep our eyes and ears open. We must hear and observe and be able to act. We must realize that true observation studies experience and draws conclusions from it. Women should not stand idly by and allow things to happen to them.  We must fight and face the responsibility of protecting our children, even if it means sacrificing a comfortable lifestyle. It will pay a tremendous reward in the long run.

The stories you are about to read are true. However, the names and a few photos have been altered to protect the victims. I recommend you pass this book on to your teenage daughters, moms, sisters, and perhaps your sons as well. Some stories are very graphic and descriptive. They are too graphic for the extremely young, but hopefully just graphic enough to awaken women to what is going on in the real world, thereby saving lives.