The Fragrance of a Rose

To lose a child is the cruelest thing that can happen to a parent.  It doesn't matter how it happens, either through illness or accident, or in my case murder, it is still a loss that will affect you forever.  The pain and grief is overwhelming.  The depression that follows took me through so many twists, turns, and places I'd never thought I'd be.  It made me feel things I'd never felt before.

I have been faced with death before.  My father died several years ago.  Although I cried and mourned his passing, I went through the grieving process in a short amount of time.  Losing my father wasn't an easy thing to go through, however I knew that he was sickly and old.  Somehow, knowing he was ill almost justified his passing.  He passed away during the night in his sleep.

I am not trying to diminish the death of a parent.  I'm merely trying to draw a comparison based on my own personal experience.  I still miss my father. I miss his council and advise, but mostly, I miss his companionship.  Still, I was able to come to terms with his passing and carry on with my life.

Over the course of the last few years, I have discussed grief with people who have lost love ones.  Some had lost their spouses, others, their siblings.  Most of them had lost parents and close friends.  All had gone through depression, anger, frustration, denial, and grief.  Their grief was not the same.  Their grief seemed to be the same as mine.  But most importantly, they all seemed to have managed to reach a level of acceptance.  This was something I could never do.  To lose a parent is difficult and many people have experienced this.  Yet, people soon learn to accept this loss as the natural order of life and death.

I have become acquainted with an even greater pain, the pain of losing a child.  Within this pain, I could find no acceptance.  I couldn't remarry to fill a void, nor could I find any inner peace from knowing it was a natural or an expected death.  I lost my daughter on the 23rd of November, 1999.  Her name was Virginia, to her family and friends, she was known as, “The Rose”.