Remembering Who We Are : a workbook
a practical guide to a restored life based on an adaptation of AA's 12 steps
by
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I first heard about 12 step anonymous groups in 1979 from a parish priest. I was discussing the difficulty I was having with some of my family relationships and he suggested I try the 12-step approach in solving my problems. During this same time I was seriously attempting once again to develop a personal relationship with God - one that was more than going to Sunday mass and confessing my sins. I must admit I had not practiced complete honesty during my confessionals, since I was too embarrassed to tell the “whole” truth. In any case, when this priest suggested I attend a 12-step group I could see no point in doing so as I was convinced the problem was simple. It was them, not me! If ‘they’ would change, my life would be fine. I later learned how very wrong I was. I ignored his recommendation and went about my life managing it the best I could. I did what most over-achievers do - try harder and do more. It would be, as a last resort, when all else failed that I would seek to escape the pain of living - the pain of loving. I would use whatever would ease the pain; worry, boredom, obsessing on others, perfectionism, alcohol, ‘fixing’ others, anger, work, staying busy, etc. It would be a few more years before I had developed enough self-honesty to see that I was the one in need of help. A few more years before Grace would call my name and allow me to see that the problem in my life was me so I could finally seek an effective solution for me! What I found was a simple path that led me to a belief in and an intimate relationship with God - a God Who could solve all of my problems.
I needed simple direction to develop a relationship with God, One Who was powerful enough to solve my problems and a God that was reliable and not based on emotion. I needed a relationship with God in which every area of my life would matter. Part of my nature was to have this spiritual need met. I had no idea that I would develop this type of relationship with a God of my understanding through the process of using the 12 steps from Alcoholics Anonymous. I had attended church faithfully; taught religious education and prayed daily (pleading, mostly) and I had no idea what grace or spiritual discipline meant. I had tried to earn God’s help and love and this had failed miserably. When all my efforts failed I would seek escape. Only when all these escapes failed was I willing enough – honest enough - to learn that Grace is a gift, not to be earned but received.
After applying the 12 steps and principles to my life several times over a period of years I recall meeting with another priest a number of years later, one who today, has heard a number of my 5th steps. I felt then as though I were walking in the desert – that my life had been laid to waste mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I had a husband, children, was active again in my church, going to college, doing volunteer work, but the void within me was left still unfilled. I had been afraid. Afraid that if I ‘let go’ when it came right down to it I would discover that I did not matter, at least not as much to anyone else as I did to myself. This had always been the biggest conflict within my life – being human and spiritual at the same time. This was the source of my misery and aloneness. How was I to be all of who I am, human and spiritual? Not controlled, but guided in my development for the spiritual and personal maturity that I desired?
I longed for this even as a young teen. I had great conflict over this and only found answers that would drown or quiet the spiritual voice that called my name. Or I would go the other extreme. Neither way worked, so happiness that was born from within was elusive. The process I will reveal in this workbook served to integrate both of these aspects of my nature, and has done so over and over again. It has taken time, but it has happened. No longer would I try to destroy the God in me, the good in me under the false belief that I must be perfect to find a life of happy usefulness.
I had come to believe in my own mind that I had no value to God as a woman, a woman who desired to be a wife and mother and to serve the Creator, the Divine Spirit. I tried to drown the pain of this idea. This was the biggest ‘old idea’ of them all – and it had to go. Finally it did. I have a place, as we all do. There is a place for all who seek to serve.
Years after meeting this priest I reached out to a friend, Gayle, to assist me in healing a troubled relationship. I had been practicing spiritual principles for many years by this time, when there was a crisis in another of my relationships. As it turned out I was to experience healing and restoration beyond my wildest dreams.
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About the Book
Affected by addictions? Who does not know someone suffering from addiction or someone suffering from the effects of a loved one's addiction or someone who is well into a life restored from the destruction of addiction only to find other avenues of escape? Living in an age that encourages the forgetting of our tender innocence, born from the perfect design and purpose of our Creator, forgetting who we were created to be. Attempting to silence the voice of one's spirit to avoid the discovery of one's life purpose, then it is easy to fall prey to the seduction of the world of addiction.
Many times we leave behind who we think we are, who we think we are supposed to be to better fit the ideas of those we love, many times painfully forgetting our unique gifts and talents for fear of rejection or failure. Some of us have tried to mold not only our lives, but others too as we drag them along, trying to fit into ideas that are not true to our purpose, leading a life of false identity instead of true destiny.
Remembering Who We Are: a workbook based on an adaptation of AA's 12 steps is an experience, a process toward creating an environment for healing and restoration. Carol has brought together, not only her experience using the tools outlined, but suggestions from countless others who have used this guide to bring to you the best tools for 'working' the 12 steps of recovery. She has guided countless others desiring a life restored, a soul recovered, through this process and she has included in the last chapter a simple outline and guide for those desiring to use this process within a small group setting.
This workbook is a manageable and practical guide for persons affected by addictions and this too is an entry into a more disciplined spiritual life, a step by step journey to uncover forgotten dreams and purpose for living. Offering loving guidance, creative tools and gentle honesty Carol guides you on a personal and intimate journey, applying the tools outlined, toward healing, discovery and restoration of a soul lost or forgotten. You will find the loving power and presence of God, as you understand God, a lasting and intimate relationship you can rely upon. Using mind mapping, visioning, letter writing for amends and other powerful tools form a solid foundation for you to be restored to the harmonious living of your human and divine nature.
Being armed with no more than simple courage, willingness and honesty, those who dare to seek will uncover a life filled with purpose and wonder.
Climbing out of the abyss and destruction brought on by dysfunctional behavior, false beliefs and addiction is difficult at best. Women and men as well as young teens find themselves inside the rooms of various 12 step programs, either as family members, a loved one or as the identified addict. Attempts to recover one's soul, while at the same time fighting emotions of anger, resentment and despair mixed with self-righteousness, it is easy to see why it appears as though accepting a life of mere abstinence is the easier, softer way. To accept a life of uselessness, self-pity, misery; a life lived absent of principles found in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous, the Bible and other sacred text, a life unmanageable is unnecessary.
Many are willing to do whatever it takes, to go to any lengths to recover from the effects of addiction and then find themselves at a loss for necessary, guided action. Some folks in a 12 step recovery program find that after many years, a deep level of unmanageability and new or old addictions arise creating havoc and destruction, standing between you and the wholeness you long for as well as spiritual growth, something necessary for long term recovery.
People without addictions are also interested in learning about the spirituality resulting from utilizing the 12 steps from Alcoholics Anonymous, expressing a desire to learn simple, yet powerful tools for spiritual growth and how to apply the 12 steps and principles in their life; this workbook will guide you as well. All are welcome on this journey of spiritual growth, toward an inclusive God, but, action is necessary and this guide outlines with simplicity powerful tools to bring forth an intimate relationship with God, of your understanding, resulting in a powerfully disciplined spiritual life.
I have found Carol's book, Remembering Who We Are, to be a practical guide to a Spirit filled journey through the 12 steps of AA. A new vista opened inside me , as the tecnique of mind-napping allowed me to explore unchartered terrain in heart-mind-soul. New roads filled with vibrant, life-filled possiblilities emered to replace negative old thought patterns. The skillful hands of Creator and created, join, as the writer's spirit weaves its healing touch through out the book's pages. Inspiring quotes and Carol's experience, strength and hope, coupled with a series of exercises, aim at giving the reader a new, healthier inner vis
About the Author
Supporting, guiding and teaching another in a transitional healing process is a privilege and honor. To be invited into the sacred space of another for healing, from birth through death, is an invitation to celebrate the preciousness and wonder of each creation and of the Creator.”
Carol Ann Preston has over 25 years of experience developing and teaching award-winning programs for adolescents and adults. These programs embrace the many ways that each of us grows and is renewed, individually and collectively addressing issues such as grief and dying, addictions, parenting, child abuse, domestic violence, family systems, and guided meditation, as well as the use and practice of 12-step spirituality.
Carol began dealing with death at age 8 when she witnessed her grandfather’s death. It was during the late ‘70s that she began to work as a volunteer in her community to gain support for abused children. She later became a doula, a professional coach for pregnant women and women in labor. In dealing with a stillborn child, and because of numerous loved ones who died within a relatively short time, Carol recognized her gift as a midwife to the soul, a gift handed down from generations of women before her. Over the past 15 years she has supported numerous families, including her own friends and family, in the process of dying and grieving, each time learning more about the gift of love and the journey of death and grief.
Carol has continued in her volunteerism for over 25 years, encouraging her children to do the same within their communities. She was invited to Sydney, Australia, during the Olympics/Paralympics in 2000, being selected as a volunteer massage therapist by the medical director with the IOC on the basis of her experience with the disabled and advanced training in medical and sport massage. Carol is licensed as a massage therapist in Texas, and is training additionally as an instructor for caregivers in intuitive touch for infants. She is also a Reiki teacher, using this healing art to assist those who desire healing by this means.
Carol has loved writing since her early teens, and writes both fiction and nonfiction. Within each work she incorporates a spiritual foundation of character and principle.
Over the past 20 years Carol has taught religious education to children and teens at her church, and has developed and presented programs and retreats on 12-step spirituality to various groups, including a local Jesuit Retreat Center, and she has facilitated numerous groups of men and women using the 12-step guide she has written. She recently realized a lifelong dream of being an Extraordinary Eucharist Minister and assisted in a women’s formation and renewal retreat at her church. In addition, she will soon start work as a resident hospital chaplain.
Married, with two grown children, she resides in the Dallas area. Her hobbies include photography, rose gardening, dream-journaling and creating and designing hand-beaded evening accessories.