Just Before Dawn

Through the Silence

Through the silence,
if one would but stop
and listen,
a voice, distant and small. . .
Its tenor is plaintive and hesitant,
fearing detection or even acknowledgment,
and yet praying for it all at the same time.

Through the silence,
God is speaking, as well.
Longing, yearning to be heard,
whispering softly and lovingly to His beloved ones,
drawing them to Himself.

Every survivor of abuse knows about silence - the dead stillness in the house at night that wraps its cold arms around the silent soul of a child who is too afraid to cry out.  The silence of family members who either know, or at least suspect that something isn’t quite right, yet respond with nothing but more silence. 

Silence is often the protective device of choice for those who have learned that breaking silence can be a dangerous thing; yet, unless we break the long silence, the secrets remain intact and will continue to keep us bound up and far from healing.

One survivor wrote about it this way:

It was in the darkest part of my lifetime, the place where silence was loudest, that I knew the time had come to break the long silence at last.  What I eventually had to come to terms with was that I had believed the lie that if I broke my silence, it would surely result in my complete annihilation and ruin.  I had been bound by that belief long enough!  Instead,
I finally understood that my silence was breaking me.

So I dared to speak.  For the first time ever, I broke every rule I’d ever been taught by speaking my pain out loud, speaking my memories, and telling someone about the horrors of my past.  It was an extremely difficult thing to do.  I took the chance, though.  Because I did, I found my voice again and
I was able for the first time in my life to hear other voices than the cruel ones inside me.  For the first time, I heard hope.  And as a result, I healed.

If breaking the silence is indeed the way to healing, what keeps the walls of silence so intact?  What is it that we have come to believe about ourselves that leaves us bound and gagged in self imposed prisons of mute despair?  This is something we must be willing to consider carefully if we are to break free from the fetters that hinder the freedom God intended for us to have all along.  We must ask ourselves then, audibly, the questions that demand an answer.

***

Employ the appropriate use of the word "No".  Many of us would be quick to say that we aren’t able to say no; that we cannot deny anyone else having his or her way over us.  This simply isn’t true.  Think about how often we have said no - to ourselves!  No, I will not take care of myself!  No, I will not rest, even when I’m tired.  No, I will not call someone for prayer or support!  No, I will not allow myself the time I need to exercise, eat properly, take a nap, get counseling, journal, spend some time alone with God, have coffee with a friend, read a good book, go to a Bible study, relax and have fun, or give myself a break.  No, no, NO!  You see?  We are often quite good at saying no; the problem is that we are not using our "no" appropriately or directing it properly.  The key for any of us is balance and moderation.

When something is not good for us, we need to recognize it, with help if necessary (it usually is), and find better ways to function and do life.   Because we cannot be fair or objective when it comes to matters concerning ourselves, we need others to help, to hold us up, and to keep us on the right track.  Once we become aware of the possible pitfalls in the path, we can then take steps (sometimes literally) to redirect our course so that we can avoid them.  Sometimes we get so caught up and distracted by the things we cannot do that we forget or neglect to do the things we can.  We do have choices, always - they may not be easy ones or the ones we would prefer, but we have them.  We aren’t little and powerless anymore!  We do not have to be anybody’s victim, not ever again!