SHADOWS of LASHES MEMOIRS

When he first arrived, he had started preparing pasta with pesto and a salad. He was a skilled cook and very neat housekeeper. His own kitchen had every new piece of equipment needed to entertain a lavish dinner party, and his pantry was stocked with domestic and imported oils, spices and sauces. But as we entered the kitchen he began kissing me with the wine from his mouth slowly seeping into mine. We swallowed, kissed, swallowed and kissed some more as we slowly made our way into the bedroom. The nights get cold 7,000 feet above sea level, and so he had started a fire in the white geometrically designed brick fireplace that rose as a piece of sculpture between the living room and master bedroom. We caressed and loved, and slept and loved some more into the wee hours, and it wasn’t even Saturday night.

Debra’s Story

It had been two years since I was widowed but couldn’t seem to settle into a single life. I felt deserted and angry at my husband for dying and leaving me alone. My two children had graduated from college and were involved with their own careers. They wanted to live with me so I wouldn’t be alone all the time. But I rejected that idea. I had to find a life for myself. I had some office management experience, having worked in my husband’s dental office. Mark was an orthodontist, and after the kids were grown he suggested I work with him. It gave me a job outside of the house and he didn’t have to hire another staff member.

I had enough money to maintain a comfortable life style, but I had to make some financial adjustments if I wanted the little extras. I would also have to improve my computer skills if I was to find a decent job. In the meantime, I did some volunteer work at the local hospital as a “Pink Lady.” But I still felt empty and aimless. One of my friends suggested a support group of recently divorced or widowed people. I joined a group at the hospital. It was lead by a member of the Social-Service Department, who was also responsible for the social and psychological needs of the patients.

This forum gave me the opportunity to vent my anger and not be judged as a terrible person for being angry at a dead husband. All of us felt abandoned and alone one way or another. I began to realize that being divorced could very easily have as powerful an emotional impact on one’s feeling of self worth as being widowed. A spouse did not choose to die, but in divorces there is always choice, and if it’s the husband’s, there is usually a devastated wife left behind. We expressed loneliness, feelings of abandonment and the ventilation made us feel less lonely for the time.