Always Tomorrow, A Mother Abandoned

December 26, 1994, I was looking forward to the plane ride to North Carolina to visit my friend Lydia whom I had know for 25 years.  I was living a nightmare.  It took me twenty-two years to face the fact that my husband did not love me and to realize that the abuse would never end.  It took me twenty-six years before I filed for a divorce.  I was married to a vicious, devious, sick human being who managed not only to abuse me but to manipulate our children into abusing me as well.

His most recent attempt to get custody of our youngest daughter was totally despicable.  He actually alienated her against me.  She was my life, and he knew this.  He certainly wasn't doing it because of his love for her.  He did it for two reasons:  not to pay child support, and to get back at me.  To play with a child's mind is horrible, and you have to be a sick person to actually use your own child in this way.  His biggest threat was to leave me "homeless, penniless and without anyone or anything"! He has nothing left to take from me.  He has taken my most precious possessions:  my children.  He can no longer hurt me and I will survive and continue to grow and be happy.  God seems to have a way of helping us through trying times like these. 

I boarded the plane and took my seat next to the window.  I didn't fly much, but the few times I did, I enjoyed gazing out into the sky.  The clouds always looked like puffy marshmallows or mounds of fluffy snow.  It was a beautiful day clear skys, no wind.  The stewardess gave the preflight instructions, and we were ready to go.  The take off was so smooth I didn't realize we were in the air until I saw tiny little cars on the ground below. 

As I stared out the window, I started to think about the past 28 years of my life.   I smiled and felt a surge of joy, for in this nightmare I was able to feel a peace within myself after being unhappy for so many years.  I was a totally different woman now and was proud of myself for all the changes I had made.  This was the first time I would actually be on my own. 

I was 21 years old when I met Dan on a blind date.  His brother was a business associate.  I worked in the Buyers Office of a large coffee corporation as a clerk-typist.  He wanted me to meet Dan, who was home on leave from the Air Force.  He kept pestering me, although I didn't want to, I finally said yes.   My boss said, "think of it as your patriotic duty.  Go out with him once and you'll never have to see him again."

The first time Dan called was at the office.  I then gave him my home phone number and told him to call that Friday evening.  When he did, I only spoke to him for a few moments.  We set a date for that Sunday.

On Sunday he was supposed to pick me up at noon. However, at 12:30 P.M., he called and said he'd be late.  An hour later the doorbell rang and there he was.  He had the dreamiest blue eyes and was cute, not to mention the fact that he was in great shape.  My heart started pounding, and as he walked with me into the living room I noticed he had the greatest pair of legs and the tightest butt I had ever seen.  I thought I must be in love!  After the introduction to my family, we left. 

That afternoon was to be one of the most memorable of my life.  We went to the movies, dinner, and for a walk.  He showed me where the World's Fair in Queens, New York had been held.  Even though I lived in Brooklyn, I had never been to the World's Fair.  After the movies we went for a walk on The Promenade, which was in Brooklyn Heights.  When he held my hand, my heart started to quiver.  We then had a bite to eat.  I couldn't eat much, and I started to think, what if he tries to kiss me?  I had never kissed anyone on the first date, but I thought I just might.   We drove to have a special dessert, tartufo, which was a special treat at Ferrarr's Pa