For Such A Time As This

On this particular day in August, I was standing in the middle of my dining room looking out of the window at a beautiful rose and could not admire it because I was totally frustrated, I was crying. It is what I do best I had just got a call from my attorney. He was giving me bad news again; I just do not understand the law. I was really confused by the results of my case.

This same complicated problem has been growing for a long time now and I am not sure if they really know what is going on either. I have been hanging in the balance too long. I am disappointed with the whole thing. I really don’t care to continue, it is causing me too much pain. Suddenly I looked up and cried out, ‘Oh God help me. ‘ How am I ever going to see an end, I thought. I really had to find a way to resolve this thing. I really felt like I would loose my mind if it did not end soon.

God answered me so clear, “WRITE IT!” Those words were so very clear to me. Someone other than me was in the room. I knew it was Him before I realize it, I was answering the voice. People, who did not understand, would have said I was loosing my mind, but no I am walking with God like I never have before. I just sat down because my legs were about to give away. I will tell you I was scared, fear and trembling came over me. God was talking to me. He said, IN ORDER TO CLEAR THE COBWEB IN YOUR HEAD, YOU MUST PUT IT IN WRITING.” Those words were so strong that my ears rung and my heart raced. I had not had an experience like that but one other time and the end results were the same. I was going to obey, because when you don’t I know what happens. My life cannot go on, as it should until I do what He tells me to do.

Now I thought it was going to be a good cleansing for me, so I took out some paper and started to write. I often write in a journal and that was what I assumed I was doing. This time I wrote and wrote for many hours that turned into days. I looked at all those pages and checked myself. What is this going to be? It is too much for journalizing.

Several days later, I thought, what am I going to call my writings. I do know that it was calling me every day, it had my attention. I had to write.

I started with the big things in my life. Those things that seemed to have trapped me for years. They were coming back from the depth of my inners. Those places where I was afraid to go, I found myself opening the doors. I know that is God. He causes us to search our lives. When we tell him we want to change the walls come tumbling down.

The more I wrote the better I started to feel. I found it to help more than the doctor or his medicines. These were no longer memoirs, but God let me know through confirming the thought by others who knew nothing about me or what I was doing? That woman said to me, someone else needs to hear and learn how to make it by your trials. They would not have to struggle so hard making the same mistakes. That was about five years ago.