Part Time Dad Full Time Heart

The Decision
Part-Time Dad with a Full-Time Heart

A turning point in my life was the day I heard the judge’s final resolution in my marriage, and learned that Kristina would be in the custody of her mother.   I knew I had to decide to move on.   However, the reality was my little fifteen-month old girl would not be living with me permanently. What would I do?   That decision hurt so badly.  The court may have taken Kristina out of my custody, but not out of my heart as her Dad. For several days, I cried and the grief caused sleepless nights because I couldn’t see my little girl.   It felt like someone had cut me open and took a piece of my heart, but it was up to me to do something. I made a promise that I would do everything I could to be involved in my daughter’s life.  On that day, I also made the decision that no matter what happened I would never turn my back on my daughter.  Unfortunately, I could not change what happened, but I could do what was right for my daughter and get on with our lives.   

Kristina’s mother remarried shortly after our divorce was final.     My heart was crushed again.  I knew that would be the end of any type of reconciliation.   After several days of just being miserable and hating life, I finally made that big decision to move on.  With God’s help, I would still fulfill that initial fantasy dream I had as a young teen.  I would be the greatest Dad in the world. While it would be more difficult being divorced, I was determined it could be done. I decided that whatever it took, even though I would be a part-time Dad, I would raise her as a Dad with a full-time heart.

Those promises to God and Kristina continually stay on my mind.    Part of that promise was that I would not become what some people refer to as a “deadbeat dad”, and I would always consider what is best for her life.  I must admit, it was a very difficult adjustment living without my girl, but the adjustment seemed to get easier as time passed.  It was never easy, but it got easier.

In today’s society, it is becoming a natural and accepted event just to start over and turn your back on your children after a divorce, or leave them for the next man in their life to deal with.  There are so many adoption situations occurring due to family separations and remarriages.  Unless there are special, surrounding circumstances, why or how a father... or even a mother ...  can totally leave their child, I cannot personally comprehend.    The love for your child is a mystery.  Being a parent is not something you can just forget by moving away or ignoring.   They are always in your thought process.  I shouldn’t assume this, but do you know why you cannot get away from the thoughts of your child?   It is a God-given instinct and responsibility. 

My career in law enforcement and my involvement with church ministry for many years has me involved in the lives of countless middle-senior high school children.  I see the results of discarded children, and it’s not a pleasant outcome. Perhaps parents feel they can just move on with their own life and walk away from problems.   However, no problem really goes away.  You may be able to escape for a short time, but it will most likely catch up with you. If parents do not deal with their children, build good character traits in them, take accountability as a parent, and love them, our next generation will be so mixed up.

Dad, it is up to you and I to teach the next generation.   It may be time to move on to the next phase of your life, but include your children.  Even if you do not have children, you can influence a child’s life somewhere and somehow.

Kristina’s Thoughts

I am so thankful that God put the passion and desire in my Dad to love and take care of me in his heart. I honestly cannot comprehend the hurt he felt and the helplessness he dealt with, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to tuck me in at night.  My Dad is the world’s greatest Dad because of his noble character and his loyal commitment to do what is right, no matter the cost or circumstances.  I’m thankful he was man enough to stay in my life.  He always came and got me no matter where my mother and I moved.  I could call him any time day or night and he would always be there.  Children need that stability and trust in their fathers.

From my perspective as the child, I would tell a Dad to never give up on their children.  No matter the distance you have to travel, you need to be there. Take responsibility for your children.  They in turn will be responsible adults.  Lead by example. It always works better than words.

Dad Connections

What decisions do you need to make today to be a successful part-time Dad?

• If you’ve divorced, leave the pain and hurt behind.