Bride's Guide To Emotional Survival

Chapter One

Congratulations, You Did It!

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do! I’m half crazy, all for the love of you. It won’t be a stylish marriage, I can’t afford a carriage. But you’ll look sweet, upon the seat, of a bicycle built for two.
Harry Dacre

Within weeks after they met Ellen knew she wanted to marry Greg. He was everything she ever wanted in a man. One year to the day after their first date, Greg proposed to Ellen. They were sitting on Greg’s couch on a Sunday morning reading magazines and listening to the top 40 countdown on the radio. Suddenly, Ellen looked up from her Cosmo because she heard the DJ’s special dedication from someone named Greg to someone named Ellen asking her to marry him. When Ellen looked over at Greg to see his reaction to this amazing coincidence, Greg was down on one knee at her feet with a ring in his hand and a smile from ear to ear. Needless to say, Ellen was stunned as Greg took her hand and asked her to be his wife. Ellen’s eyes filled with tears and she fell into Greg’s arms saying, “Yes, yes, yes, I would be honored to marry you.”

* * *

Steve held out the ring as they bicycled their way through Alaska. And Judy, bleary-eyed from that day’s 65-mile ride, fainted and fell off her bike. As Steve cradled her, the revived Judy stared at the fourth finger on her left hand and beamed. A sweaty embrace, kisses, and tears were followed by the decision to get married with a minimum of fuss.

* * *

You’re in love. You’re engaged! You’ve said it, with or without words. It is on the table now<em dash>your relationship is “official.” A marriage proposal launches a barrage of excitement, planning, and activity, all of which are also potential sources of stress. Certainly you expect a windfall of good feelings and want your wedding day to be picture perfect. But perhaps it is too much to expect that your engagement will be one nonstop party. Already you’re realizing that there’s a lot to deal with and your engaged and married friends are hinting that there are headaches ahead. Could all this frenzy have started with just one little question: Will you marry me?

It is probable that you, the soon-to-be bride, are now reeling from pre-wedding stress. This very real and common state results from the relentless wedding issues that have taken up residence in your life. Let’s examine them one by one and try to make some sense out of the situation.

Of course you want to become married and live happily ever after. This is the goal of most men and women, and the goal of all parents for their children. It is also an objective that our culture and the media fosters. And no wonder, since it is such a pivotal part of the traditional family developmental cycle. Families in every culture throughout the world commemorate the significance of marriage, birth, and death. Let’s face it, the ritual of the engagement, wedding ceremony, and reception are where it all begins.

Getting married is a major life cycle event. We are born, we become educated, we reach adulthood, we choose a profession, we marry, we have children, they marry, we care for our elderly parents, they die, we deal with old age, we die. These are life’s turning points that punctuate everyday events, lending them extra weight. In all cultures around the world, these events are commemorated with ritual.

Rituals are ceremonies that enable us to pass from one psychological state to another and that are specific to a particular life event. They can be steeped in religious beliefs or myths or be secular. They are usually repetitive in content, action, and form. Rituals require some procedure that has a beginning, middle, and end. They evoke a certain mood as the drama is enacted. Rituals have a social meaning and usually require one or more witnesses. The entire wedding process is a wonderful example of how rituals have been employed in our society.

Engagement marks the initial step toward this tumultuous tribal ritual. You would think it should be a period of happiness marking your transition from a beloved child to a loving and responsible adult. Yet, as ecstatic as you may be to embark upon the official road to marriage and adulthood, reality is beginning to dawn. There is another side to weddings: Along with great happiness there is also turmoil during the engagement and pre-wedding period. Why? Because this time represents a significant transition from childhood to adulthood and a great upheaval in numerous areas of your life. It is only a myth that engagement is a time of pure bliss for the prospective bride and groom. What you really end up experiencing is a large dose of joy, a dash of ambivalence, and a healthy helping of stress.