In the Meadow - Forgotten

Introduction

What do you do when you never had anyone in your life to confide in, to share your thoughts, to help console you?  What do you do when you feel that no one cares and no one would ever understand?  Where would you release all the torment and suffering and sorrow you think  you are experiencing?  Where could you go?  Where could you hide?   Who would you turn to as the ultimate resort?  Or does such a haven really exist?

As for me, I have never had anyone while growing up I could call as my “best friend”, one who’d I normally feel comfortable telling my secrets and thoughts.  It is something I see most people having and perhaps even taking for granted.  Sure I had friends, but never anyone I could label as my best friend for that particular matter.  There was never anyone I felt I could bond with at the heart and so I never felt safe or easy confiding in anyone.  No one ever reached out, either due to lack of interest or they simply didn’t care.  So by the age of 17 I grew tired and exhausted as if a bubble was about to burst.  Burst it did.  All my thoughts were blasted from my mind onto a piece of paper...piece of ripped out loose-leaf page from my trigonometry notebook.  I thought I would just chuck away after releasing my frustrations, but I didn’t.  I ended up keeping almost everything.

What had initially started as a piece of paper turned into a mountain of jotted down feelings and thoughts and emotions and sadness and joy.  My writing took on a life of its own.  It quickly became my best and only friend.  I could turn to it anytime of the day.  I’d spill my guts out to it.  My essay format writing slowly manifested into a poem style writing.  I’d actually indulge in some of them thinking they were absolutely a work of genius, though I never dared show it to anyone for the longest time, afraid they would think otherwise and thus shatter what I have always wanted to protect.  My writing became a console, a confidant, my only source of inner peace, and my very own shielded world.  No matter what, no one can ever, ever take my sanctity away from me.

Albeit, this friend could not give me active feedback.  It can’t accompany me out to a movie.  It can’t even take a serene hike with me in the forest, but it gave me more than anyone could ever have give me...a sense of sanity.  In this bizarre world we dwell under, to seek satisfaction and to obtain inner peace is what should be all that ever mattered.  To maintain that inner world of tranquillity will require a ton of energy in day by day trial and error attempts.  Some people seek psychologists for help.  Some people have supportive families and friends.  Some people have understanding other half.  Some people have dogs and cats.  I, on the outer most rim of the galaxy, have only my writings.

Teo
10/28/2002